


Blood & Water

by thatmitchsentho



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-25 14:23:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12037746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatmitchsentho/pseuds/thatmitchsentho
Summary: A wedding dress, a subway platform. Chloe Beale meets Aubrey Posen. And what follows is the story of family and the ties that hold people together when things start to fall apart.





	1. Chloe

**Author's Note:**

> So this originally started out as a Chaubrey fic with side Steca. But then it became equally Chaubrey and Steca. And now it's seven god damn parts long. I'll post one every day til it's done. One each for Chloe, Aubrey, Beca, Stacie, Chloe & Aubrey, Stacie & Beca, and Family.

Chloe Beale was the only one who moved. It wasn’t a normal thing to see, not even dead in the middle of New York. The big city had its share of people to gawk at, and plenty were staring at this woman. They were granting her a wide berth, simply glancing over from time to time. Inventing stories about what would bring her here like this, concocting fanciful tales about her presence. It was a simple enough concept but it needed a tragic backstory of some kind.

In the dank, stuffy underground subway station, a blonde woman sat crying into her hands, wearing a gorgeous wedding dress.

Chloe had been in the city a while now, and she’d never seen anything like it. She was crying as discreetly as possible, but definitely crying. She realised she’d been watching about thirty seconds when she shook herself out of it. She dug around in her bag until she found a travel pack of Kleenex and walked toward her, gently making her way through the throng of pretending-not-to-be-onlookers. She sat next to her and spoke quietly.

“Hey,” she said. “Need a tissue?” The blonde looked up with wet eyes.

"Thanks," she sniffled, taking the pack.

"Here's a dumb question," Chloe continued, "but are you okay?"

"No," the woman said. "Actually, yes. Or more accurately, I have no idea."

"I'm assuming there's a story," Chloe said. "And I'm not suggesting that you tell it to me or anything. But is there someone you need me to call? Family? A fiancé?"

"No thank you," the woman replied. "There'll be no wedding today. I'll figure out how I'm getting home eventually. " Chloe waited a minute. She could feel the eyes of everyone else on the platform trained on them, and she knew the second she looked up they would all hastily look away.

"What's your name?"

"Aubrey," the blonde responded. "Posen."

"Chloe Beale. I know we're strangers and I swear I'm not a serial killer or anything, but I don't live far from here. Would you like to come back to my place and change, come up with a plan? Saves you just sitting here in that dress with the audience pretending they aren’t watching you and wanting to know what happened." The blonde paused for a moment, before peeking up to see the gathered crowd pointedly looking away and then nodded.

"Yes, please." 

Chloe helped her up - she couldn’t help thinking again that it was such a beautiful dress - and they walked back toward the stairs, ignoring the stares of the other subway patrons. 

"Have I interrupted your plans?" Aubrey asked.

"I was just headed out for some retail therapy," Chloe said. "Nothing that can't wait. How long were you sitting there?"

"About an hour. Thank you for checking on me. You were the only person who did." The woman was walking next to her with no regard for what the dirty city street was doing to the train of her dress. 

Chloe only lived around the corner and halfway up the block, so it wasn't long before she was unlocking the door of her apartment and showing her inside. It wasn't a big apartment, but it was comfortable and clean.

"Um, I probably have some clothes that will fit you," Chloe said. "Sit, I'll be back." Aubrey dropped into the couch as best she could given her gown and Chloe disappeared into the hall. She returned a moment later with a tee and a pair of jeans.

"Hopefully these will be okay, you’re a bit taller than me, but these are a bit long so…" Chloe said. "I'll show you to the spare room and you can change. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes please," Aubrey said softly and followed her down the hall. The blonde lay the clothes on the bed and Chloe was about to leave, but was stopped by a quiet interruption.

"Can I ask for your help before you leave?" Aubrey said. "The catch at the top of the dress, the top of the zip. I don't think I’ll be able to reach them on my own."

"Of course," the other woman responded. She nimbly unhooked the tiny clasp and then started the zip down enough so Aubrey might be able to reach it.

"Thank you."

Chloe closed the door gently behind herself and set about boiling the kettle. While she waited, she put music on, hoping it’d make things less awkward for the two of them since they were literal strangers. After she'd made tea for both of them, she waited a few moments before she realised Aubrey hadn't resurfaced. Clasping the mugs together in one hand, she made her way to the spare room and tapped on the door. 

“Aubrey?” she ventured. There was no response, so she hesitantly opened the door. The blonde was fully dressed in Chloe’s clothes and staring at the dress on the bed. Such pure white fabric, fading into a dirty grey at the bottom where it had trailed over the subway platform and streets of New York.

“You okay?” Chloe asked. The blonde snapped out of it, and accepted the tea from the other woman.

“It’s just a dress,” she said simply. She followed Chloe back into the living room and they sat on the couch. They drank their tea in silence, Chloe not wanting to badger the woman with questions, and Aubrey still clearly deep in thought. But eventually the blonde spoke.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” she said. “The dress, the tears.”

“Aubrey, if you don’t want to-”

“It might help if I do,” she said. “If you wouldn’t mind being a listening ear for a stranger with a burden.”

“By all means,” Chloe said. “I promise I won’t judge.”

“I did break up with my fiancé this morning,” Aubrey said. “He took it - better than you might have expected. Charles is a good man, truly. Our relationship was more convenience for our parents than anything else. But I never loved him and he knew that deep down.”

“Family putting pressure on you?”

“They would be the ones I was hiding out from in the subway,” Aubrey said, eyes dropping to the mug in her hands. “They’ll be looking for me, camping out at my apartment building and waiting for any sign of me. Not sure how I’ll get around that just yet. Their plan for me has been crystal clear since I was born. Good school. Law career. Marry a man from an upright, reputable family, continue the prestigious line of said family.”

“Not in your plans?”

“I went to the good school, I have the law career. Though I didn’t want it, it was the wrong choice for me.”

“And the wrong man?”

“For starters he was a man,” Aubrey said delicately. “Like I said, he took it well. I have long suspected that he knew the truth, and he did. I’ll give the ring back to him, it was his grandmother’s. But he volunteered to call our families, they’ll take care of the bill, and he will have no hard feelings, I’m sure. I guess the tears were catharsis more than sadness. An ending of sorts, and a beginning with no idea where to start.”

“How did you even sneak out without being seen?”

“Well… they were all much more focused on themselves,” Aubrey said. “We were in a hotel suite getting ready. I used the room phone to call Charles, then excused myself while they were flitting about and touching up and then I just slipped out of the hotel room and walked away. It probably took them quite a while to even notice I was gone.”

“Wow,” Chloe said. “That’s ballsy.” They finished up their tea in relative silence, Chloe watching the stranger as she did so. She was clearly very deep in thought, and Chloe didn’t want to interrupt at all, didn’t want to hurry her. She figured on a day like today, she should take as much time as she needed to make whatever decisions she wanted.

For a second her mind tracked to the dress lying across her guest room bed. It was a gorgeous dress. The kind that she’d dreamed about as a little girl, probably. The dress everyone envisions but in reality only a handful of girls ever manage to get their hands on. She wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but it was quite a long time. Aubrey was still staring off into space.

"Aubrey?" Chloe asked. "Is there anyone who can help you get home? A friend?"

"My bridesmaids were my cousins," Aubrey said. "My friends are mostly family acquaintances and I just can't deal with that. There isn’t likely to be anyone I can call who wouldn’t directly call them and tell them where I was."

"Would you like me to go to your place and see if they're waiting?" Chloe offered. "I feel like there should be something I can do to help."

"No, thank you," Aubrey said. "Though, if you give me your phone number, I can have the clothes washed and returned."

"Of course," Chloe said. "And if there's anything else you need, a friend or a listening ear, and...."

"And?"

"The dress?" Chloe asked hesitantly. Aubrey's eyes slipped closed.

"Destroy it, I don't care," Aubrey said. “I don’t want it back.”

"Are you sure? It's a beautiful dress," Chloe said.

"It is," Aubrey said, pausing for a second. "Though it's not remotely the kind of dress I would have chosen for myself. I'm not the kind who enjoys the princess style puffy ball gown. And more to the point, it's a fabric anchor to everything I'm attempting to leave behind."

"Let me at least call you a taxi," Chloe said.

"Thank you, Chloe," Aubrey said. "I’m headed to Carnegie Hill." 

"Do you want me to wait with you?"

"If you don't mind, I think I need to be alone," Aubrey said. "But I will speak with you soon. And I owe you such a debt for what you've done for me today. You could have simply been another gawking bystander, but you chose compassion."

"It's nothing," Chloe said, writing her number on a piece of paper and giving it to her. "Remember what I said. If you need someone to talk to, I really don't mind." 

"Thank you," Aubrey said. She let herself out silently and Chloe called the taxi. She couldn't help but think of the girl who'd just left. There was something incredibly heartbreaking about her, but also very intriguing. Chloe hadn't minded her long stretches of silence, her laconic speech. She was under the impression that the woman was so rarely encouraged to speak about emotional matters that she didn't really know how to go about it.

She did stop thinking about her long enough to field a call from a friend who wanted to know if she had dinner plans. Beca had been one of her best friends for ten years now, the two of them meeting in college. 

"So, Beale, Stace and I can swing by and pick you up," Beca said. "We're at her place anyway. Nothing fancy, though."

"Yeah, okay, I'll see you guys in about an hour or so," she said. She took a quick shower and changed, waiting for the buzz to alert her to her friends’ arrival. She stopped in the doorway of her other room and stared at the dress on the bed. She couldn’t just destroy it, even if that’s what Aubrey had said to do. She thought about maybe getting it cleaned and then holding onto it just in case the other woman changed her mind.

Soon enough she heard the buzzer go and hit the speaker long enough to tell her friends she’d be down in a second. The two other women were sitting on the steps of her building, but after a cursory greeting, her eyes caught another figure further down the street. Aubrey had left just over an hour ago but here she was, sitting on the low brick of the steps of the next building, watching traffic go by and seemingly making no attempt to move.

“Hey, hang on a sec,” she said to her friends and approached the other woman.

“Aubrey?” Chloe said. “I thought you left.”

“I still can’t figure out how I’m going to get into my apartment if my parents are waiting there,” Aubrey said. “I didn’t want to inconvenience you again.”

“It’s not an inconvenience,” Chloe said. “I said if you needed anything. Hey, come get some food with us. We’ll come up with a plan; we don’t have to tell the others the whole story. All you’ll have to say is that you need to avoid your parents and Beca will be in. She doesn’t get on with her family either.”

“I don’t have any money,” Aubrey said. “Or anything really. Everything is back at my place. I’m not dressed for somewhere nice.”

“I’ll spot you,” Chloe said. “Come on. We’re not going anywhere fancy.”

“It won’t put you out?” The other woman could see she was coming around.

“Definitely not,” Chloe said. “Please. Come.” Aubrey nodded, got up, and followed Chloe to where the other two girls were waiting.

“Beca, Stacie, this is Aubrey,” she said. “She’s gonna come to dinner with us if you don’t mind a fourth.”

“Sweet,” Beca said. “Nice to meet you. Now let’s get going I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving,” Stacie said, rolling her eyes. They walked downtown a little and into an Italian place that boasted that it would keep delivering wood fired pizza to the table until they couldn’t eat any more. Stacie headed straight to the bar and grabbed four beers to keep them occupied while they waited on garlic bread.

“So Aubrey here has a problem,” Chloe said as they drank. “Her folks are in town and long story short - she needs to sneak into her apartment without them seeing her. Only everything is inside her apartment, including her keys.”

“Except for two spare keys - one of which my neighbor has,” Aubrey said. “The building has a code panel, so my parents can’t get into the building without being buzzed. Nobody in the building will buzz someone in they weren’t expecting, but if they do somehow get in, they’ll be in my apartment for sure. They have the other spare key.”

“You don’t get along with your parents?” Stacie asked.

“It’s a very long story,” Aubrey said. “But the easy answer to that question is no. And I especially don’t want to see them today.”

“Preach,” Beca said, clinking her bottle against Aubrey’s. “So, Stace, you’re the one who plans all of our shenanigans. Solve that problem.”

“Easy,” Stacie said. “Barely qualifies as a plan. We’ll go. Beca and I. Your parents won’t recognize us. Call your neighbor and tell them we’re coming to get the key and you can tell us the door code. We’ll let ourselves into the building, go get your key, grab anything you need and waltz straight back out.”

“I would just need my wallet, phone, keys,” Aubrey said. “Some clothes would be nice. You’d do that for me?”

“Sure,” Beca said. “Friends bail each other out of stuff all the time. And if you’re a friend of Chloe’s, you’re a friend of ours.”

“Thank you,” Aubrey said. Chloe smiled at her, and then at her friends.

She noticed during the course of dinner that Aubrey loosened up a little. Somewhere around the third drink, she could see her smiling more often, listening to stories of their old college days. It was like she’d temporarily forgotten about all of the drama of her own day and relaxed for a moment.

She was beautiful. Wildly inappropriate for her to think about, but it was a fact nonetheless. She was very refined-looking. Her parents would have said she was a classic beauty. And she was quiet and reserved, spoke intelligently and articulately. Chloe genuinely hoped they could stay friends. She had a feeling that the woman would need a friend and she wouldn’t mind being that, and not just because she was beautiful.

Once they were stuffed full, they settled the bill, Chloe saying again that she’d cover Aubrey. Stacie hailed them a cab outside and the three of them squeezed in, Chloe wedged between Beca and Aubrey in the back with Stacie in the front. Aubrey quietly directed the man to the correct address.

“Are you sure you want to do this for me?” Aubrey asked.

“Sure,” Stacie said. They pulled up.

“Do you mind idling?” Beca asked the cab driver.

“So long as you pay for it,” he shrugged. Beca wriggled around and tugged a credit card out of a small zip purse that had been in her pocket.

“Here,” she said, handing it to him. “We shouldn’t be too long.” Aubrey had shrunk down in the back seat as Stacie and Beca got out. They joined hands and strolled toward the building, pretending to be any other couple returning home for the evening.

“The Caprice belongs to my older brother,” Aubrey said pointing. “And there’s at least two other people in the car.”

“Are you ever going to explain it?” Chloe asked. “To them?”

“I will,” Aubrey said. “I just can’t do it today. I need to breathe. To think.”

“It’s okay,” Chloe said. “You’ll be okay. And don’t worry about the girls, they’ll be fine.” Someone had gotten out of the Caprice as they reached the door and approached the girls.

“Your friends are really nice,” Aubrey said. “Are they dating?”

“Beca and Stacie?” Chloe said. “No. I mean, they hook up from time to time… it’s complicated. Well, neither of them really date. Stacie’s work is super stressful - she designs prototypes of robotic prosthetics. And Beca is just a little bit too well known to just randomly go out and meet someone and not be sure it wasn’t a fame thing.” She found it a little amusing that Aubrey had already picked up on the two of them. She personally couldn’t understand how Beca and Stacie had slept together fairly regularly now for the past, what, six out of ten years, and were still claiming to be just friends.

“Beca’s famous?” Aubrey asked.

“She produces music,” Chloe said. “So they can hang out and hook up and it just flies under the radar because they’ve been friends for ten years, you know?”

“So it’s a friends with benefits arrangement?” Aubrey asked.

“Yeah,” Chloe said. “Basically. But they’re happy, things have never ever been weird between them, and if one of them lands in a relationship the other completely backs off.”

“Oh,” Aubrey said. There was a brief pause.

“Though if you ask me, they should quit dancing around it and just get together already,” Chloe said matter-of-factly. “Any idiot can see how happy they are when they’re together compared to when they’re in any other relationship. Not my business, though, they need to get to that point themselves.” Aubrey smiled.

“You’ve all been friends for ten years, since college?” she asked. Whoever had come out of the Caprice was now returning to it angrily, smacking his hand on the roof.

“Yep,” Chloe responded. “I know I alluded to it before but neither of them really have family so we’ve kind of formed our own little surrogate family. Which sounds weird since I just told you that I think they should get together, but you get what I mean.”

“I do,” Aubrey said. “I’d like to have friends like that. Instead of family friends and cousins who I always feel like I’m competing against.” Chloe was left momentarily speechless for a few long moments. Aubrey seemed lonely to her. Like, profoundly lonely. Sure Chloe could miss the close human contact of a partner from time to time but her family were always a phone call away and her girls - who were her family as well - were there at the drop of a hat at any time of day or night.

“It was my brother,” the blonde said again. “Who got out of the car. I hope he wasn’t too hard on them, he can be very… caustic. Rude.”

“Yeah well, he’s never met Stacie Conrad before,” Chloe said simply. “She won’t stand for being spoken to rudely, I can assure you that.” They waited a few more minutes and then Chloe shifted.

“There they are,” she said. Sure enough, Beca and Stacie had emerged from the building, Beca carrying an expensive looking overnight bag. Stacie opened the back door so Beca could get in and she got in the front seat. Beca passed over the small overnight bag.

“We’ve got you covered,” Stacie said.

“So we got your phone, charger, purse, keys,” Beca said. “Some underwear, clean tees, pair of jeans, some pajamas, shoes and socks. Stace grabbed some bathroom shit, not sure what.”

“Toothbrush. Cleanser, toner, moisturizer,” Stacie admonished Beca. “Plus you had a book on your nightstand and what I assumed were your reading glasses so I grabbed those as well.”

“Thank you so much,” Aubrey said. “It really does mean a lot to me. I saw my brother approach you?”

“Brother, okay that makes sense. He asked if we knew you,” Beca said. “I said only in a neighbor kinda context, and he asked that I let him in inside so he could get to your apartment. I said hell no, because how do I know he is who he says he is? He got a bit pissy about it, but Stace just told him she’d pepper spray him and call the cops if he didn’t back the fuck off.”

“Stacie, you don’t even own pepper spray,” Chloe said.

“And he doesn’t know that,” she said. “Now, where are we dropping you?”

“The Mark on Madison and 77th, please,” Aubrey said to the taxi driver. She pulled some cash from the purse. “Beca, let me reimburse you for this trip, it’s mostly been running around after me.”

“Nah, you’re fine,” Beca said. “Next time we’re out you can buy me a beer.”

“Are you sure?” Aubrey insisted.

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I’m not really wanting for cash.” The rest of the trip was relatively quiet. Aubrey was staring out the window, and Chloe stayed in the middle wondering what she was thinking about. When they arrived at the hotel, the cab driver ran the credit card and handed it back to Beca and they all piled out. Stacie and Beca said they’d wait outside while Chloe went in with Aubrey to make sure she booked a room okay.

“A studio room please, if you have one available,” Aubrey said to the clerk.

“How long is your stay?” he asked politely.

“At least a week, maybe two,” she said. “Can I book for a week and let you know tomorrow?” She slid her card across the counter to him with some ID.

“Have you been a guest of ours before?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “I very much like the level of privacy afforded to your patrons. I’d like a no-call, no-enquiry restriction on the room.”

“Of course,” he said. “Would you like your bags brought in?”

“No thank you,” she said. He coded a key and handed it to her in a gilded cardboard fold.

“Enjoy your stay,” he said. Chloe moved toward the elevator with Aubrey, stopping her before she could reach its doors.

"You don't have to stay at a hotel," Chloe said. "You can stay with me if you like."

"Chloe, you've been very generous with everything today and I really do appreciate it," Aubrey said. "But the hotel will be fine for a little while so I can sort some things out. It will be likely that I'll have to have some not entirely pleasant conversations with my family. But I have your number and I'd like to take you to lunch tomorrow, if you're free. A small effort at paying you back for everything you did for me." Chloe flung her arms around the taller woman, just for a second. She couldn’t help herself, she felt bad for leaving her all alone with nobody to talk to. 

"Call me tomorrow," Chloe said. "You've got me as a friend now, and the others too. You don't have to do this alone if you don't want to."

"Thank you," Aubrey nodded, and headed for the elevator. Chloe returned to where the other girls were waiting outside. They walked back toward a subway stop that would get them to Stacie's place, and a few minutes later Beca spoke.

"Yeah, Beale… you're gonna have to tell us the story on that one," Beca said.

"What story?" Chloe asked, well aware that they had seen completely through her.

"Chlo, there was some very convincing evidence in that apartment that your so called friend was supposed to get married today," Stacie said. "Namely the relentless calls to her machine. And we've been friends for ten years and I've never heard you even mention her name before, and you’d definitely mention a friend who was gorgeous like that and loaded as fuck to boot. So there's a story."

"Spill," Beca said. "We aren't assholes, so we weren’t going to hassle her about it, but we're also not idiots. There's something going on." Chloe sighed. There was a Starbucks up ahead and she led them inside.

"Okay," she said. "Let's get some coffee." They ordered and sat at a table in back.

"The truth about Aubrey is that I only met her this morning," Chloe admitted. "I was headed out to do some shopping and she was just sitting on a bench on the subway platform, crying in her wedding dress. Everyone was just staring at her, so I went and offered her some tissues and asked if she was okay."

"Sounds about right for you. And she what, left the dude at the altar?" Beca asked.

"Didn't even make it to the church," Chloe said. "She called the guy. Apparently she's gay but her family has pretty much run her life for her til now. And she couldn't marry him so she called him, called the wedding off and just left while nobody was looking."

"Wow." That was all Stacie could manage.

"I mean, I only know what she's told me today," Chloe said. "But it seems like she's just walked out of her life and now she has to start all over again. Which would be scary. And I didn't like the idea of her feeling alone. So I brought her back to mine and let her change."

"I thought those clothes were yours," Beca said. "Well... she's clearly got massive balls because her dad called that phone twice when we were there and he sounds mega pissed. But if you're telling us everything's gonna be fine, I believe you."

"You do?" Chloe said.

"You've always been a better judge of character than anyone," Beca pointed out. "You see people better. And she seemed nice. Quiet, but who wouldn't be after a day like that. I'm surprised she didn't drink a bottle of vodka and pass out in a corner. It’s what I would have done."

"Right?" Stacie said. "Sounds like she needs some company. And you've always been a magnet for people who need help - not in a bad way. You've got a caring nature. So help her. We'll do what we can."

"I'm meeting her for lunch tomorrow," Chloe said. "Hey, anyone know where you can get a wedding dress cleaned? Hers is still at my house. She told me to destroy it, but I might wait until she's in a clearer headspace for that."

They finished their coffee and headed for the subway, catching a train back toward Stacie's, the redhead requesting an Uber once they'd gotten there - cabs never seemed to hang around this part of the neighborhood. She could tell that Beca didn't need a ride home, she'd be going upstairs with Stacie. They didn't even flat out say anything any more, they just got a little more touchy as the night wore on and that was it. Sure enough, they waved Chloe off in the car and as she looked back she saw Beca's hands sliding around Stacie's waist as they stepped in closer to one another and their lips met.

Her friends were idiots. They'd be perfect as an actual legitimate couple, but instead they'd spent years as friends with benefits. They both had issues they were bringing with them, but she hoped they'd eventually figure it out.

She got home safely and headed inside, stopping again in the doorway to look at the dress. It really was beautiful. Aubrey regarded it as something she wanted nothing to do with. She hoped the blonde would call in the morning, because she still felt slightly guilty for leaving her on her own. She sighed and closed the door, and washed up for bed.


	2. Aubrey

Aubrey took a long, hot shower and changed into her pajamas. She ordered some tea from room service and made a single phone call, sitting in her bed and using the room phone rather than risking turning her mobile on.

"Hello?" came the male voice.

"Charles, it's me," she replied. "I just wanted to see if you'd like to meet tomorrow morning for breakfast. I still have your grandmother's ring and I really cannot keep it."

"Where?" he asked. "I'm sure you know your family is looking for you. They’ve called a lot to see if I knew where you went, whether I’d let them into your apartment."

"I'm in a hotel," she said. "I'll call my mother in the morning, but not tonight. We can meet here if you like, I'm at the Mark on Madison."

"I'll meet you at nine," he said. "Are you okay, Aubrey?"

"I will be," she said. "I just needed some room to breathe today, I've been laying low. Nobody knows where I'm staying."

"I'll keep it that way," he promised. 

"And are you okay?" she asked. She worried about how she'd hurt Charles most out of everything.

"I didn't think I would be, but I am," he said, surprising her. "I've done a lot of thinking today, but we can go over it tomorrow."

"I'll be there," Aubrey said. She hung up and at least felt better that Charles wasn't devastated or moping. After she finished her tea, she plugged her phone in to charge, keeping it switched off for the time being. Then she called the front desk and requested a wake up call for eight am, and went to sleep.

Charles was waiting as promised in the hotel’s dining suite at nine am promptly. He embraced Aubrey as she approached, the two of them sharing a hug but nothing more before they took a table and ordered strong coffee and breakfast.

“Most important thing first,” Aubrey said. She slid the engagement ring from the pocket of her jeans. “Edith’s ring. It’s not right for me to keep it.”

“Thank you,” he said, taking it and putting it into the inner pocket on his jacket. “I appreciate you returning it.” Aubrey surveyed him for a moment.

“You seem… is it horrible to say you seem surprisingly well considering the events of yesterday?” she said.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Honestly. Yes, I did nail a couple of quick scotches before I dealt with our families and cancelling things yesterday, but still. I said it already - we had no business getting married and we both knew that, and we both knew why. I don’t harbour any ill will to you for what you did. I’m actually glad you did. You’ll be happy now.”

“I expect I will be, once I figure out what I’m doing,” Aubrey said. “But still, Charles, I am sorry.”

“I know,” he said. “So what do you do from here?”

“I think I need to change a lot of things,” Aubrey said. “I’ll take a sabbatical for a while. You know as well as anyone law was great but I wasn’t very fulfilled by it. And I have a substantial cushion.”

“I thought I might transfer abroad,” he said. “London has a few positions open. It might be good to get out of this city for a while.” She smiled at her former fiancée.

“You will make a fantastic husband for a very lucky woman one day,” she said honestly. 

“And you’ll be an equally fantastic wife to a woman of your own,” he said. “This is all far easier than movies would have us believe.” Aubrey could agree to that. They shared breakfast together and it was comfortable and familiar. Charles remarked that he would like to remain friends and promised to keep in touch. As they separated, Aubrey kissed him on the cheek. She did love the man, that was undeniable, but it wasn’t in the way either of them needed.

As soon as she returned to her room, she turned on her mobile phone and prepared for the onslaught of messages and missed calls. She deleted all of the ones from people asking where she was, quickly browsing a few others and clearing the call log. Digging out the scrap of paper bearing Chloe’s phone number, she texted and asked if she was still up for lunch. 

The reply was almost immediate that yes, she was, so Aubrey set a time and location for their meet and then placed her cell on the bed. She stared at it for a few long minutes before internally cursing herself and dialling her mother’s number.

“Aubrey?” her mother’s voice came. “My god, you’re okay.”

“Yes mother, I’m fine,” she said. “I know I ignored a lot of calls, but yesterday was quite an emotional day and I wasn’t up to the many questions I know you all have.”

“Emotional is one way to describe it,” her mother replied. “But Charles assured us all you were just fine and explained what he could.”

“I know you’re going to have a lot of questions,” Aubrey said. “Will you come and meet me for coffee this afternoon? We can talk about it all then.”

“There’s a place near our hotel,” her mother said. “I’ll send you the address, say at four o’clock?”

“That’s fine,” Aubrey said. “And for what it’s worth, I am sorry for how I handled yesterday.”

“I’ll admit we were a little shocked,” her mother said. “And I’m upset because I have no idea what’s going on. But as long as you’re okay, we can talk about the rest later.” They ended the call and Aubrey let out a deep sigh. That had gone far better than expected. She checked the time and realised she still had a while yet before she had to meet Chloe for lunch, deciding to just relax and perhaps doze off. She kicked her shoes off and grabbed the book the girls had thoughtfully brought along last night, trying to convince herself to unwind a little.

She was early to meet Chloe, and waited outside the restaurant for her. As she saw the other woman approach, she couldn’t help but feel relief. She worried that Chloe would change her mind and wouldn’t come. They headed inside and ordered food.

“I don’t want to seem like I’m being clingy,” Aubrey confessed. “But thanks for coming out, I’m sure it’s not your idea of fun running around with a stranger two days in a row.”

“If I wasn’t free, I’d say so,” Chloe said. “Plus we aren’t really strangers, now.” The waiter came and delivered their drinks to them.

“It’s just that… well. I’m thirty two years old and I don’t really have any friends, let alone gay friends,” she said, her cheeks coloring pink. “It’s embarrassing. I have plenty of colleagues and people I know in family circles. But that’s about it. Nobody who knows what I’m dealing with, that’s for sure. But yesterday… you were exceedingly kind to me.”

“Well, we’re friends,” Chloe said. “And speaking of friends, Beca and Stacie like you. So there you go, three friends, and gay friends as a bonus.”

“I talked to my mother today,” Aubrey said. “She’s upset, which is understandable. But she is at least willing to come and meet with me later this afternoon to talk about it. It’d be better if dad wasn’t there.”

“Is your family homophobic?” Chloe asked.

“I don’t think they’re explicitly homophobic,” Aubrey said after thinking for a while. “But it certainly never would have entered their mind to consider that their daughter might be gay. It’d be a shock. But it would be scandalous amongst their social circles to say the least.”

“If you need to talk after, just give me a call,” Chloe said. “Or I can grab the girls, we’ll go get drunk.”

“Thanks,” Aubrey said. “It’s a weird feeling you know? I mean, I’m exactly the same person I was two days ago but I know to them I’m completely different.”

“It’s a valid reaction,” Chloe said. “It’ll take time for them to adjust their view of you - because you’ve known the truth about yourself for a long time but they are literally just finding out. My advice would be to speak honestly about it, reiterate that all the things they instilled in you are still there, and be patient with them.”

“That’s… actually great advice,” Aubrey said. “How did your parents handle it?”

“My mother knew I was gay before I did,” Chloe said. “It was not a shock to them at all. But you could ask a hundred lesbians what it was like to come out and get a hundred different answers.” The waiter delivered their food and they talked a little more as they ate. Aubrey learned that Chloe was a publisher’s assistant, which she found fascinating. They learned a lot about each other, having the first opportunity to really talk, since yesterday had been fraught with emotions and long stretches of silence on Aubrey’s part.

Despite Chloe’s insistence that she cover some of the bill, Aubrey paid for the lot, reminding her that she would owe her for a long time after the events of the previous day. Chloe remarked that she could buy the drinks next time they went out, which made Aubrey smile.

“I wasn’t kidding about us being friends now,” Chloe said. “I’m kind of hard to get rid of.” Aubrey promised to call her later, but declared that she had to go and prepare herself to meet with her mother.

Soon enough, she was entering a coffee shop, scanning the room for the familiar face of her mother. She spotted her nursing some tea and made her way to the counter and ordered a large coffee before she headed over.

“Hello mother,” Aubrey said, placing the cup down to get her attention. The older woman stood and embraced her briefly.

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” her mother said. “But you look well.”

“I’m doing well considering the circumstances,” Aubrey said, taking her seat. “Thank you for coming and agreeing to talk.”

“We’ve been worried,” her mother said. “Your father was angry initially but it turned into concern when you didn’t go home.”

“I’m staying in a hotel,” Aubrey said. “Just for a few days. Trying to avoid all the people who would be looking for me until I can explain things better. But I’ve seen Charles this morning.”

“Is he doing okay?”

“He’s doing great,” Aubrey said. “We talked for quite a while. We both knew that marriage was a bad idea. He’s thinking about transferring to London, getting out of the city. And I gave him back Edith’s ring, it wasn’t right for me to keep it. But we’ve been amicable about the whole thing.”

“His father was livid with you,” her mother said. “But Charles was adamant that this was not your fault. He said that you’d both known for a long time about your… proclivities. And he was just too afraid to do what you did, and save you both the trauma down the track.”

“He really is a good man,” Aubrey said. “How could I marry him and keep him in a relationship like that?”

“Aubrey, dear, we need to talk about this properly,” her mother said. “You are really… gay, though?”

“Yes, mother,” she said in a quiet but firm tone. “I am. How is father taking the news?”

“He’s still somewhat in shock,” she replied. “I think it’s more that he never considered this, Aubrey, you hid it very well.”

“I know, and for that deception, I am very sorry,” Aubrey said honestly. “It sounds ridiculous coming from a grown woman, but I didn’t want to disappoint the family. It’s been very clear what’s expected of me since I was a child, and I felt obligated to partake in that. In the end, I couldn’t do that to him, and I couldn’t do that to me. I’ve struggled for a very long time with it and despite the circumstances, I feel considerably more at ease with myself simply knowing that the truth is out there. I felt like it was such a secret all the time.”

“So is there a woman, then?” her mother asked. “That you’ve been seeing?”

“No, I was never unfaithful to Charles,” Aubrey said. “I do still have a moral compass. But occasionally I would see a woman so beautiful and it would drive me into a depression for days because I felt like I would never get to experience what having a loving, healthy, attraction-filled relationship was like. I’ve been seeing a therapist on and off for a while to help me handle that, which nobody knew about.”

“That sounds horrible,” her mother said softly. “I’m sorry for whatever pressure we’ve put on you that contributed to that. I do only want you to be happy, above all.”

“Mother, I don’t blame you or father,” Aubrey said. “It’s a culmination of many things. But it’s done now. I acknowledge that there would have been a million more appropriate times to make such an announcement, but at least it’s over.”

“And what are you doing now?”

“I’ll take a sabbatical from work,” Aubrey said. “There are many things I need to reconsider. I imagine I’ll go back to the apartment at the end of the week. You and father are free to come around. I just needed some space.”

“Thank you,” her mother said. “I promise we will call before we do. We love you, Aubrey. We were just taken aback, surprised and concerned.” Her hand slid out to cover her daughters.

“I love you, too,” she said. They talked for a while longer, and her mother said she’d call the next day after speaking with her father to see when they might drop around to visit. Just before she left, her mother held her at arms length and just looked at her for a moment.

“You do look like you’re going to be just fine,” she said. Aubrey nodded and gave her a last brief hug before she let her go. Then she made her way back to the hotel to call Chloe and relay how it all had gone. It hadn’t been so bad, which was surprising. She didn’t request the girls for a drinking session, but once Chloe remarked that they were going to be coming over anyway and insisted it would be no trouble, Aubrey decided to join them for the evening.

The next few months, Aubrey began taking steps to figure out what she was going to do next. She returned to her apartment at the end of the first week. She cleansed it of almost all the reminders of her relationship with Charles - though many of the memories did bring a smile to her face, she needed them gone in order to make a clean break. She arranged to take a long term sabbatical from work, omitting that she felt incredibly unfulfilled by her successful legal career. She was fairly certain that the sabbatical would culminate in her resignation.

She found herself integrating into friendship within Chloe's friend circle. She enjoyed her company, as well as Beca and Stacie's, and was happy to have made what seemed like three good friends. Many of her friends from her old life and called or texted but they were looking for gossip more than anything, which grated her. The four of them frequently spent time together - going out for drinks or dinner, and watching movies (which Beca always heavily protested but once Stacie pulled out the pout she acquiesced easily). Occasionally they went out to clubs if Beca was required to be out, or to functions for Chloe’s boss.

She also found herself drawing attention from women, which was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. Because now she was allowed to engage in flirty banter, the heated eye contact and on a couple of occasions she found herself being asked on a date. She declined all three dates, not feeling quite that adventurous, and she’d only just called off her engagement and didn’t feel comfortable dating just yet. At least, that was what she told herself. 

She did admit to one of the interested parties that she had only very recently come out and the woman had surprised her. She’d expected the woman to just move along, but instead she engaged her in some chatter. She was only eighteen months out herself, and they connected over having come out later in life than most. When the conversation was over, the woman said to look her up if she was ready in a couple of months. 

It was pleasing to Aubrey that she was attractive to other women. When she had admitted it to Chloe, the redhead had almost laughed.

“Why on earth should that be surprising?” Chloe asked. “Aubrey, you’re interesting, intelligent, well-read, engaging, and you’re gorgeous. Of course women are interested in you! Quite frankly if they weren’t, that would be the surprising part.” Aubrey had blushed a little. She had been told those things before, by men, but it never made her feel the way she was hearing the words from Chloe. Chloe never failed to put her in a good mood, never failed to make her smile. That was the other reason she turned dates down. But she didn’t think about that too much.

She also found herself enjoying Beca’s company a lot. The smaller woman had a lot of snark but was very witty about it, and she was uncompromisingly frank. Sure she was private about some things, but Aubrey could completely understand that. She hadn’t spent any time one on one with Beca or Stacie at this point, just Chloe. But that changed after she received a text message from Beca asking to meet for coffee. It was unusual, but she didn’t figure there would be any issue with it, so she headed to the coffee shop nearest Beca’s studio to meet with her. She spotted her sitting in a back corner, dark sunglasses on, focusing on the laptop in front of her. She closed it and moved it aside as she spotted Aubrey.

"Hey," Beca said. "I hope it's not weird that I've asked you to hang out without the others." She took her sunglasses off, evidently using them as a modest form of disguise.

"Of course not, I'm glad you did," Aubrey said. "Coffee?"

"Just black thanks," Beca said. Aubrey lined up for coffee while Beca waited, the other woman thanking her as she set the coffee down.

"So is there something in particular you were after?" Aubrey said. "I get the impression that you had something on your mind."

"Yeah, as a matter of fact," Beca said. "I want to talk to you about Chloe."

"What about her?" Aubrey asked innocently. 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you're in love with her," Beca said dryly. "Don't worry, I haven't said anything to her. But it's pretty obvious, man. Stacie and I can both tell that you're digging on her pretty hard."

"Is it?" She had hoped it wouldn’t have been that obvious. But the more time she spent with the redhead, the more time she wanted to spend with her. She knew she was falling for her, but she had figured it was a monumentally bad idea to venture into that kind of territory with Chloe.

"Yep," she replied. "She's the best, you know? Like… fundamentally good. And I feel like you two would be a good match, but she's never going to make the first move. She'd worry too much that she was taking advantage or something, because she's the nicest person I know. Which means that you're going to have to sack up and do it instead."

"Okay," Aubrey said, though she wasn't committing to making any such move at all.

"Okay as in you're gonna do it?" Beca prompted.

"Okay as in it's interesting that you'd be talking to me about this," Aubrey said, knowing she was quite probably overstepping her boundary but banking on Beca appreciating her forthright response. "Considering you and Stacie."

"What about me and Stacie? We’re fine."

"I know you two like to pretend that you have this super casual friends with benefits relationship," Aubrey said. "But you're totally in love with each other. Virtually married, even. I have only known you guys for six months but I've not seen either one of you even look at another person. Your eyes are only for each other, you gravitate toward each other and you treat each other with the same familiarity that anyone else would their partner."

"You think Stacie and I are in love with each other?" Beca said.

"I don't think," Aubrey said pointedly. "I know. You two behave the way I wish could with a girl of my own. The way I’ve wanted to for more years than I can count. It just pours out of you both." Beca just fell silent and drank her coffee. Aubrey didn't interrupt the silence; she could see that Beca was thinking. Once the cup was almost done, Beca finally spoke.

"Fair call," she said. "Though you might regret challenging me like that."

"What?"

"I'll talk to you soon," Beca said. "Thanks for the coffee, Aubrey." Then she slid her laptop into a bag that had previously been at her feet, slipped her sunglasses back on, and left.

She was a puzzle, that Beca, but Aubrey didn’t mind. And she didn’t think twice about their coffee meeting until much later that evening. She and Chloe had opted out of a club event with Beca and Stacie, choosing instead to watch a movie at Chloe’s place. The redhead had promised wine and popcorn, and Aubrey had arrived and taken all of a minute to realise just how on the money Beca had been. As the finishing credits began to roll on the movie, Chloe got up to pour more wine for the two of them and Aubrey saw her phone light up from the coffee table. She picked up her phone and read the message.

[I’m going all in, Aubrey. Thanks for the clarifying pep talk.]

“Anything important?” Chloe asked. 

"It's just Beca," Aubrey said offhandedly. "We got together earlier today and she wanted to follow up."

"You guys hung out, huh?" Chloe asked, a smile flickering across her face. 

"And… well, you might find that the next time we see Beca and Stacie, the nature of their relationship could be a little different," Aubrey said.

"You mean... how did you even start talking about that?" Chloe said. "When I talk about it with her she just avoids it like she owes it money."

"It wasn't what we were originally talking about," Aubrey said. "But it seems she's taken the challenge I delivered, which leaves me looking cowardly."

"Cowardly?" Chloe asked, settling down into the couch and handing her the glass of wine she'd just poured. Aubrey fidgeted for a moment. This was excruciatingly nerve wracking, but she figured if Beca could do it, so could she.

"Beca came to see me about my feelings for you," Aubrey said delicately. 

"Oh."

"I know that I'm still quite new to singledom. And to embracing my homosexuality. And it seems incredibly cliché that I'd fall for the first real friend I make," Aubrey said with a sigh. "But honestly? I couldn't help it. You are an extraordinary woman, Chloe, inside and out. And I'm aware more than anyone that I’ve got a lot of things that I'm still sorting through, but that doesn't detract from the fact that I do have very strong feelings for you."

Chloe paused for a moment. She knew it would have taken a monumental effort for Aubrey to admit that to her. And she did have feelings for the blonde; she just didn't want to seem - predatory. She was still brand new to all of this.

"Please say something, Chloe?" Aubrey's voice came nervously. Chloe realised she'd fallen silent and apologised.

"Oh, sorry," Chloe said. "I was thinking. Because this isn't unrequited, Aubrey. You're... incredible. But if we do this, we're going to have to do it slowly. You're still rebuilding yourself and I can't at all be the girl who comes in and destroys what progress you've made."

"Of course," Aubrey said. "I honestly didn't expect you'd even consider this; consider me. I'm somewhat of a mess."

"I wouldn't say a mess," Chloe said. "But yes, Aubrey. I do feel the same. Tell me, have you ever kissed a woman before?"

"Twice," she said. "Long ago. Though I spent both nights feeling exceedingly guilty about it, which ruined the experience considerably."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"I really hope that you will," Aubrey said. Chloe leaned across and took the glass from her, setting them both on the coffee table. Then she gently took Aubrey's face in one hand, and leaned in to kiss her. 

It was soft, chaste and over far too soon. But Aubrey felt the effect of it rolling down her body before it settled in her stomach. She quickly claimed Chloe's lips again, wanting just a little more. When she pulled back Chloe was looking at her with a concerned expression.

"I'm fine," Aubrey said. "Better than fine." Chloe had no problem believing her, because a smile had settled on her face, one she didn't even think Aubrey knew was there. She was beautiful. Aubrey had leaned forward and grabbed their wine glasses again, so Chloe took hers as it was offered.

"Are you sure, Chloe?" she asked quietly. "This could be hard to get through."

"We'll go slow," Chloe said. "And we'll talk. And the girls will be right there with us, keep us grounded. But I need you to promise me, that if things get too much or it gets overwhelming you need to tell me okay?"

"Okay," Aubrey said. "Then can I take you to dinner during the week sometime?"

"I'd love that," Chloe said. "So you and Beca talked about this?"

"She said I needed to grow a pair and tell you how I felt," Aubrey confirmed. "She said it was obvious and that you'd never do it because you didn't want to seem like you were taking advantage."

"She's right," Chloe said. "But tell me about her and Stacie, that’s huge."

"I said it was a bit hypocritical for her to call me out on the way I felt for you when she and Stacie are pretty much a married couple already," Aubrey said. "She went quiet, finished her coffee and told me I'd regret challenging her and she'd talk to me later."

"Do you regret it?"

"Not at all," Aubrey said. "I like Beca a lot. She's very frank and there's not been many people in my life who have had that attribute."

"She's always believed in calling things as they were," Chloe said. "Her dad kind of ruined her trust in people so she just lives as honestly as she can, and unless people show they're the same they get nowhere near her. But I'm glad you guys are friends."

"She said to me once that it was about time there was another introvert in the group," Aubrey said with a smile.

Chloe was happy to hear that her best friends had embraced Aubrey willingly. She knew it took a lot of effort for Beca to put herself out there and make friends. She appreciated it, because she liked Aubrey a lot. They soon decided to call it night, not before sharing a good night kiss at Chloe’s door, leaving them both with a smile on their faces.


	3. Stacie & Beca

Beca couldn’t stop thinking about her conversation with Aubrey. All afternoon, really. Because there had been a lot of truth in what Aubrey had said about them - that they only had eyes for each other and they basically treated each other the same way any partner would. 

The reality of the situation was that Beca hadn’t even thought about dating anyone in over a year. There was no need. She was getting everything she needed from Stacie - the close and intimate relationship, the friendship, the sex. They were, in every which way, already a couple. It was pretty blatant, actually. They were each other’s legal next of kin for Christ sake. The only thing that remained to be done was to have an actual conversation where the two of them acknowledged the extent of their relationship. And Beca was having that conversation tonight, she’d decided.

Stacie had come with her to a club that night - it was requested that she make an appearance, not to work, just to be seen. And from the moment she picked Stacie up in the cab, she’d not thought of anything other than how right Aubrey had been. She was kind of glad she wasn’t working because there would be no way she’d be able to focus on anything but her.

Stacie was looking especially beautiful that night. The woman was undeniably beautiful, the kind of person who turned heads everywhere she went, regardless of what she wore. She again thought back to what Aubrey had said to her. Virtually married. It wasn't an untrue statement. And right now the taller girl was whispering something in her ear about getting out of there and heading home, a hand sliding up Beca's thigh, when Beca sighed. Stacie pulled back and gave her a quizzical look.

"Something up?"

"So..." Beca said, deciding just to go for it, "I think we should talk about this."

"About this?" Stacie asked, squeezing her hand high up on Beca's thigh. “We don’t really talk about it.”

"Yeah," Beca said. "But we have to. And I fucking love where that hand was headed and I want that to happen, believe me, but I'm gonna remove it just for a sec. Because, believe it or not, of Aubrey."

"What about her?" Stacie asked, settling her hand instead on Beca’s knee.

"We had coffee earlier. She and I were talking about the fact that I called her out because she's clearly in love with Chloe," Beca began. "And she kind of commented that it was a bit rich of me to talk about that seeing how you and I are."

"How are we?" Stacie asked lightly, though she knew what Beca was getting at.

"You know exactly how we are, Stacie," Beca grumbled. "Don't play dumb with me, it doesn't suit you." She pushed herself out of the booth and headed outside, the taller woman following after her, worried she’d upset her.

"So maybe I do know how we are," Stacie said once they got outside. She tugged Beca into the alley and out of view of the people milling around. "What's this about, Becs, why now?" Beca looked up at her.

"Maybe you and I can't make these sorts of things stick and keep coming back to each other because we're supposed to be with each other," Beca said. "But we aren't ever gonna know if we just jump in and out of bed all the time acting like it's a placeholder for something else, some far off thing. What if the far off thing is right fucking here?" Stacie slumped against the brick, but she tangled her fingers with Beca's, keeping her there, hoping it would show her that she wasn’t brushing her off. This was something she'd thought about on and off for a lot longer than she'd like to admit. Beca was someone who'd been there through everything. The one she looked for. The one she measured everyone else against. And everyone else fell short; it’s why nothing seemed to last with anyone else. Nobody got her the same way, understood why she was the way she was. She adored Beca, plain and simple. The smaller woman was watching and waiting for some kind of response.

"Okay," Stacie said slowly. "Maybe you and I are compatible for a lot more than just sex. Are you saying that you're in love with me?" She could feel hardcore butterflies beginning to form in her stomach. Because she wasn’t always good with the emotional side of things, and she didn’t want to get hurt right now. She didn’t think Beca would hurt her, but it had been almost forever since she’d put herself out there emotionally.

"I have always loved you, Stacie, you know that," Beca said, nervously fidgeting with Stacie's fingers in her own. The fact that Beca was nervous calmed Stacie down, too. "Admittedly we both assumed it would always be platonic between the two of us. But like I'm ever gonna do better than you. You're smart and gorgeous and you know I've got some high level shit in my past but you don't hold it against me. You’ve loved me through it all, even when I’ve fallen apart. I'm saying that we should give this, us, a real shot. But if you're not up for it, then sure, no harm no foul. But this is me, and knowing you better than anyone else, I'd wager that you actually wouldn't mind at all, you've just subconsciously needed me to take the lead because of your own shit. So let’s just cut all the bullshit." 

Stacie always loved that Beca was this emotionally stunted wreck with anyone but her and Chloe. And she always appreciated her bluntness. She stood upright with an easy grin and let both her hands gently grasp the open leather jacket Beca was wearing, tugging her a little closer.

"Yeah, well, you do know me best so you know that I've always loved you too," Stacie said. "And I wouldn't mind giving this a real shot at all and you should definitely kiss me. I'm gonna take you home and yes, we're going to have some amazing sex. But in the morning we're gonna wake up together, my arm's probably gonna be wrapped over you and we're going to make sleepy pancakes and coffee in our underwear and yeah, cut the bullshit. We should talk, because this could be a big thing for both of us if it works the way we seem to think it will. The way I want it to."

"You're saying you want to try?"

"I'm saying you're right. We probably already have been, we were just pretending we weren't. You’ve always been it for me, Beca." Beca leaned up and kissed her firmly, arms moving to rest around her neck as Stacie clutched the leather tighter. 

"So take me home," Beca said against her lips. They ambled back out of the alley, Beca tugging her phone from her pocket.

"What are you doing?" Stacie asked.

"Texting Aubrey. She called me out, I acted," she said. "Just letting her know that it's all on her."

“So she’s gonna tell Chloe she’s into her?” Stacie asked.

“Don’t know,” Beca said. “Hope so.” 

They made their way back to Stacie’s apartment, and into the bedroom. They were not strangers to sex, or to sex with each other for that matter, not in the least. But tonight it was different. The sex was as good as it had always been, but when they were done, Beca curling up against the much taller Stacie, she took a moment to realise how perfect everything about it had been.

“I love you, Stace,” Beca said, brushing a soft kiss under her ear. Stacie shifted so she could kiss her deeply.

“I love you, too,” she replied. They wrapped themselves in one another and fell asleep.

Stacie woke in the morning to hear Beca getting out of the shower. She smiled to herself, remembering that they were now actually going to have a go at being a couple instead of just sleeping together all the time. Beca came into the room wearing a towel.

“Hey, did I wake you?” she asked. Stacie shook her head and beckoned for her to come closer. As soon as Beca had perched on the edge of the bed, she kissed her. It was slow and sweet and even though Beca was only wearing a towel, she didn’t strip it off and pull her back into bed. She wanted to kiss her just to kiss her, nothing more.

“Good morning,” she said, Beca’s eyes closing as she pulled away. 

“Well… yeah, it’s never going to be bad if it starts like that,” Beca retorted. She ran a hand down the side of Stacie’s face. Their eyes met and Beca held her stare for a moment before she spoke softly. “I feel like this is a really good idea.”

“Me too,” Stacie replied.

“Why don’t you jump in the shower, I’ll get dressed and start making pancakes,” Beca said. She pecked her softly and then got up, Stacie choosing to wait until after Beca had dressed to get up. 

She showered quickly and tugged some clothes on, hearing Beca singing in the kitchen as she cooked. She joined in once she got into the kitchen, sliding her arms around Beca’s waist from behind and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Almost done,” Beca said. “Put the coffee on?”

They served up breakfast together and ate at the kitchen island, downing two cups of coffee each as they did so. Once they were full, Beca pushed her plate forward and swivelled to face Stacie.

“We still need to talk,” she said. “About this. Because we’ve been doing this pretend thing for a really long time, so if we do this properly it’s probably going to turn very serious pretty fast because of how close we’ve been for years now. And neither of us have really done the serious thing very well, when we’ve gotten that far.” She looked a little flustered, so Stacie reached out and took her hand.

“I know it’s probably going to get serious fast,” Stacie replied. “But I still want it. What we have… it’s always been really important to me. And I’ve thought about making this leap before, I’m just… Not good at these things. Which you know. But I do love you. And waking up this morning, remembering everything that happened last night - I’m happy, Beca.”

“I am scared of being in a relationship, though,” Beca admitted. “It’s been a long time. And after everything that’s happened to me, what still happens to me sometimes, all that other stuff. I don’t ever want that to do to us what it’s done to the people before who I wanted to hang around. I love you, a lot. You’ve been like, the most important person in my life for ten years now. I don’t want to fuck this up. I know my depression drove big wedges between me and some of my exes.” Stacie knew exactly what she was getting at. Beca had some pretty traumatic stuff in her history and from time to time it came crashing back down on top of her. A lot of the girls Beca had tried to make something happen with took off running at the first indication that life as Beca Mitchell’s girlfriend wasn’t always clubs and industry events and flashing cameras.

“Well, you know, I can promise you that’s not going to happen,” Stacie said. “I know exactly what you’ve been through. And those girls who left when things got bad, they were assholes, and stupid and wrong. But thanks to them, we have this shot now. I’m gonna be here if you’re depressed, I’m gonna be here if you’re fine. I’m gonna be here for you regardless of whether you even want me to be, sometimes.” This was a promise she’d made before, every time one of those other girls broke her heart. She’d meant it every time. And she meant it now.

“You’re not scared?” Beca asked, not really able to look up.

“Of you?” Stacie said, tilting her head back up. “Never. Of me fucking this up? A little. You’re not the only one with issues here. But I love you and nothing’s gonna scare me off.”

“I love you too,” Beca said. “You and your issues.” Stacie kissed her softly.

“And I gotta say,” Beca added. “When I woke up this morning, it was nice. I know we wake up together a lot. But things were different this time. And I can stop repressing what I feel all the time now. Because like you said, I’ve thought about this before. But it was easier to just move that stuff out of my brain so I didn’t have to deal with it.”

“Wow, we’re a pair of fuckups,” Stacie said with a laugh. But she still leaned across and kissed Beca softly. Beca soon slid off the chair and pushed her way in between Stacie’s legs, arms sliding around her neck as the kiss got deeper. She felt Stacie’s hands slide under her shirt and rest on her waist, fingertips lightly skimming against her skin. The kiss began to slow down and eventually Stacie just left a soft peck on her lips, but didn’t let go of Beca, instead pulling her in closer and wrapping her arms around her. They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other. 

“Do you have anything you need to do today?” Beca asked.

“I need to buy groceries and that’s about it,” Stacie said. “Wanna tag along?” Beca nodded.

“As long as it’s not me being super clingy,” Beca said.

“Don’t be silly,” Stacie said. “We’d probably be hanging out together regardless of what happened last night.”

“True,” Beca said. “We’re kinda inseparable.”

“What are your plans for the day?” Stacie asked.

“I don’t actually have to be anywhere at all today,” Beca said. “So maybe later we could go out to dinner or something, like an actual date?” Stacie smiled broadly.

“Yeah, I think I’d love that,” she replied. 

Beca tagged along with Stacie as she did a little shopping and then dropped her off at home. She figured she might go home and clean the apartment, maybe work on a few songs or something, kill some time until their date later that evening. The first thing she did when she got home was pick out a restaurant to take Stacie to. Not one of their normal casual places, somewhere nice, where they could dress up a little. She texted Stacie to inform her of the place she picked, receiving a reply saying she couldn’t wait. 

After that she really did try to work, but every few minutes she’d just drift off and remember the way Stacie’s hand kept reaching for hers as they strolled supermarket aisles, even though she was trying to steer the cart at the same time. She couldn’t believe they’d waited so long to make this leap. Eventually she was startled out of her gushy daydreaming by her phone ringing. She saw it was Chloe and picked it up.

“Hey Chlo,” Beca said.

“Hey,” Chloe said. “So how was your club thing last night?” 

“Yeah, last night,” Beca said, feeling the grin creep back across her face. “Last night was kind of amazing.”

"I know, you dumbass, I was with Aubrey when you sent that message,” Chloe said. “Talk to me about you and Stacie.”

"Yeah," Beca said. "I mean, I'm sure you've been waiting for this for years, probably as long as we have been. But you know, we know each other better than anyone, we spend more time in each other's beds than alone, she's pretty much everything any sane person would be looking for in a partner. So why the fuck was I looking anywhere but her?"

"It's about time, that’s all I’m saying," Chloe said. “You know I’ve wanted you guys both to be happy for so long, I’m just glad that the happiness is something you’ve realised you get from each other.”

“Well, we can also thank Aubrey for calling my ass out when we had coffee earlier,” Beca said. “Completely warranted, clearly.”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that,” Chloe said.

"So it's only been a day but it's actually really nice," Beca said. "We talked this morning a bit because given both of our histories and how close we already are this has the potential to get really serious really fast.”

“Are you guys okay with that?” Chloe asked. 

“If it was anyone but Stace, I’d be running for the hills,” Beca admitted. “But Stacie and I - it’s hard to explain.”

“You don’t need to explain it to me,” Chloe said. “I know what it’s been like for both of you.”

“Anyway, I’m being presumptuous here, but when Aubrey and I talked it was in regards to a mutual agreement of sorts,” Beca said. “So… how was your night?”

"Me and Aubrey, yeah," Chloe said. "It’s a thing. Going very slowly because, you know, she's still working through a lot of stuff. But she told me how she felt and even though I have some reservations about how quickly things happened, I couldn't deny that I felt the same. I’m sure you guys have seen it."

"How you look at her like she’s the most incredible thing on earth? Yeah, we have. But I like her," Beca said. "My favorite thing about Aubrey is that she's not even pretending her life is together at the moment. She knows it's a bit everywhere but she's just tackling it a little at a time. And there's no bullshit, I'm assuming she has no time for bullshit. Whatever it is, I can get behind it."

"Yeah," Chloe said. "I really like her, Beca. She’s amazing. We’re going to have to take things really slowly and I’m pretty sure I’m going to let her steer things since this is all brand new to her, but I want it."

“You’re a good person, Chlo,” Beca said. “I know you’re probably worrying about hurting her more than anything, but you’re not like that.”

“I am worried,” Chloe said. “A little. But we talked about it and I imagine we’ll talk about it again. A lot.”

"Is she planning on going back to work at all? I know she took a sabbatical but that was like six months ago," Beca said.

"She's talking about changing careers," Chloe said. "She said she's got enough saved that she doesn't have to work for quite a while. She told me once just randomly that she used to want to be a writer.”

“Oh really?” Beca asked. They finished up the phone call, after which Beca did in fact manage to get some work done. 

She got to Stacie’s early, not nervous, but really looking forward to their first official date. She took a second to compose herself before she knocked on the door. Stacie threw it open a moment later, and Beca just leaned against the doorframe, taking the sight in.

She was a gorgeous woman. That much had never been a point of contention. Beca had even seen a few people she knew in the industry try and convince her to give her career away and try her hand at modelling or acting. They all failed though, because Stacie was committed to her work. She was the single smartest person Beca had ever met. And right now, she was wearing a deep blue dress that clung to her body with her hair falling down over her shoulders and Beca decided she could stare at that sight all night. 

“Hey,” Stacie said. Beca stepped in and kissed her hungrily, fingers grasping the fabric at her girlfriend’s waist. Stacie pressed her into the doorframe and reciprocated just as eagerly. 

“Okay,” Beca said, “Maybe we should get going before we lose our dinner reservation.” She requested an Uber and Stacie paused to check that she hadn’t completely ruined her makeup during their impromptu make-out session. She touched up quickly and then the two of them headed down to the street to wait.

“You look beautiful,” Beca said. Stacie smiled at her and took her hand, tangling their fingers together.

“Thanks,” Stacie said. “And you look gorgeous too. Your ass looks great in those pants by the way.” Beca smirked a little.

“So Chloe called me earlier,” Beca said. 

“She did?” Stacie said. “I presumed you guys talked about this. Because of her and Aubrey.”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “Just told her that we were both really happy, and even though it took us forever to get to this point it feels like the right move.” Stacie pulled her against her body and wrapped her arms around her.

“I know we already talked about this. But it’s going to be a big, serious thing, isn’t it?” she asked quietly.

“I reckon so,” Beca said, tucking some loose hair behind her ear. “I know it’s a big deal for both of us to go all in this quick. Scared?”

“Maybe a little,” Stacie confessed. “Not really of you, but our histories maybe sneaking up on us. You?”

“Yeah, a little,” Beca agreed. “Same reasons, really. But we can do this, Stace. You and me, we can do anything.”

“Damn straight we can,” Stacie replied, pecking her lips. Their car arrived and they made polite chat with the driver who took them to their destination for the evening.

Beca opened the door for Stacie, and also pulled her chair at the table. It was a pretty high-class restaurant; Beca had chosen it as much for their privacy as she had their food. There was no way she wanted their first date to be interrupted by cameras. It wasn’t likely in this part of the city, they were just a bit too far out of the way of the clubs and more obvious hot spots, so it was ideal. She let Stacie pick the wine, not really caring what they drank, and they ate their way through three courses. It felt as comfortable as every other dinner they’d been to, even though this one was interspersed with hand holding and the occasional light kiss.

“So we can either go out,” Beca said as the waiter disappeared with her credit card, “to anywhere you want. Or we can go home.”

“Let’s go back to yours,” Stacie said after a moment’s deliberation. “I do love going out with you but I also kinda like the idea of having you to myself.”

“I’m pretty fond of that, too,” Beca said. She signed the receipt and Beca pulled out her phone to request a return car.

“No,” Stacie said, taking it from her. “Let’s take the subway and walk a little. It’s nice out.” Beca stuck the phone into her pocket and took Stacie’s hand as they headed toward the nearest station. They sat close to each other on the train, Beca leaning into the taller body of her girlfriend, the two of them oblivious to the occasional stares of their carriage compatriots.

They got off at the stop nearest to Beca’s apartment and took their time strolling back through the neighbourhood. They stopped for a moment to pet a couple of Pekingese who were outside with a middle aged man, but soon made their way upstairs. Beca immediately put some coffee on, Stacie commandeering the stereo just as quickly. The music was soft enough not to disturb Beca’s neighbors but loud enough that they could hear it as they sat out on the balcony and drank their coffee together.

It was like nothing had changed. But everything had. 

“It’s like… I don’t know,” Beca said. “Is it bad that I can’t really explain what the difference is?”

“No,” Stacie said, putting her empty mug down. “Because we’ve done this a thousand times and it feels no different, but at the same time… it does.” Beca held a hand out and Stacie came and settled on her lap even though she was much taller. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest.

“I’m ready for this,” Beca said. “Maybe the reason we took so long is to make sure we were both ready.”

“Maybe,” Stacie agreed. “We don’t exactly have good track records in relationships. But we know the worst about each other already so there’s no surprises.” Beca pulled her down with a gentle hand behind her neck and kissed her softly. Then they just sat there until it got too cold, before heading inside to the bedroom where they warmed themselves in each other and the blankets on Beca’s bed.

“Tonight was pretty perfect,” Beca mumbled against Stacie’s neck as they began to finally grow tired.

“It really was,” was the only thing Stacie could manage before they succumbed to their need for sleep.


	4. Chloe & Aubrey

Aubrey set a date for a day later in the week, both women looking forward to the night with great anticipation. Chloe hadn’t been on a date in a while, Aubrey even longer. Aubrey spent longer than normal getting ready and headed to Chloe’s to pick her up. She knocked on the front door ten minutes before she was due to arrive.

"Won't be a sec, it's open!" Chloe called, knowing it was just the blonde, who had a tendency to be early. She heard Aubrey let herself in and slipped into her shoes. She took a quick moment to check her hair one last time and made her way to the living room.

"Wow," Aubrey said. "You look gorgeous, Chloe." The redhead blushed a bit.

"You too," Chloe said. She pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Sorry, I was talking to Stacie about how her and Beca are doing."

"Ah."

"She actually sounds really, really happy," Chloe said, picking up her purse. "But let's go. This is about us."

Aubrey held the door for her and explained that they weren't going far, so they could walk instead of driving her car. It ended up being a quiet little Italian place with soft lighting and wait-staff who encouraged them to take as long as they liked. Being New York, it was nice to be out and not feel hurried to finish a meal. 

Even though they’d already spent a lot of time learning about each other, there was a new and not entirely uncomfortable level of intensity in their conversations. They’d talked about relationships before, but now they talked about things they wanted, and how they saw their relationship developing. Chloe was quite insistent that Aubrey would have to take the lead in their relationship. 

“I can be reckless when it comes to love,” she admitted. “I can let myself get carried away but the danger with that is I pull you out further than you can stand this early on. Let’s just take things as they come for a while.”

They shared an entrée and tried each other’s mains, and Aubrey even persuaded Chloe to share a tiramisu. The redhead could not stop staring at her date. She looked so beautiful. She’d clearly gone to a little effort, and even a little effort turned her pretty gorgeous into breathtaking.

“You’re staring,” Aubrey said, her cheeks a little pink.

“You just look amazing,” Chloe said. “I’ve never really seen you dressed up a little. I’ve seen you casual, and I saw you in full wedding kit, but you really look incredible.”

“Thank you,” Aubrey said. “Is it weird to tell you that I spent a lot of time trying to pick out what I was going to wear tonight?”

“It’s not weird at all,” Chloe said. “I changed twice.”

“I love this color on you,” Aubrey said softly. “It just makes your eyes…” She shook her head. Chloe thought she was being adorable. They left not long after. Aubrey held the door for her, and they hit the street. It was warm and clear and it was still pretty early, and neither girl was quite ready to call the night over so soon.

"Let's just walk for a while," Chloe said. "It'll be nice." She slid her hand into Aubrey's and began aimlessly walking. Aubrey was concentrating on how good this felt. Hand in hand with a beautiful woman, just being together. Something she’d dreamed about having for years, cried over the idea of never being able to have it. And now, here she was. She let her fingers curl a little more tightly against Chloe’s.

"So how was your first date with a woman?" Chloe asked. Aubrey thought about it as they walked a bit further.

"Everything just feels - it's hard to explain. Like, of course this feels so easy. And of course all those stupid movie clichés are running through my head, because of course you're beautiful and even more so in the candlelight over the dinner table and again even more in the streetlight of New York," she rambled. "But at the same time there's that wonderfully new feeling that everything is just a little exciting and a little scary. Things are brand new but they feel lasting and significant and despite all that I don't much mind that I'm not quite sure where my feet should go."

Chloe could not believe how animated she was and how she was speaking about this. It was truly a sight to behold, the blonde all happy and radiant and still a little nervous. 

"But at the same time, specifically, it's been perfect," she continued. "From the moment I picked you up until right now, it's been everything I have been missing in my life, everything I’d ached for. This is what it should have felt like, all along. It's like Christmas as a kid, I feel... happy-" Chloe couldn't stop herself from kissing her. She just stopped her with a gentle tug on her hand and kissed her. Aubrey's arms wound around her waist as their tongues met. Chloe didn't hold back like she had during their first kiss. 

"You're so unbelievably amazing," Chloe said, once she'd pulled back. "I have no idea how you make everything sound so magical when all we did was go to dinner. You've got quite a way with words. You’ve mentioned before you wanted to be a writer when you were younger."

"I might have dreamed of making a career in writing before I was sucked into the law machine," Aubrey said. She took Chloe's hand and they resumed their walk. 

"Well, you should definitely think about taking it back up," Chloe said.

“It’s entirely possible that I already have been,” Aubrey said. “I’ve investigated a couple of writing courses and I’ll probably enrol in one shortly. I do feel bad that I’m not working, but part of me also says to hell with that, I worked for so long and never got to spend any time actually enjoying myself.”

“Living to work,” Chloe said.

“Exactly. And it’d be one thing if I enjoyed law, but I didn’t. In my eyes, I’ve basically wasted years because I slaved away at a demanding career that I never enjoyed,” she sighed. “Oh well. It’s nice to have a financial safety net though. That really was the only upside to my law career.”

“What kind of writing are you interested in?” Chloe asked.

“Anything, really,” Aubrey said. “Obviously one of the great dreams is to publish a book. I think the courses are going to be a good idea. It’ll help me ease back into it. I was discouraged from doing any writing that wasn’t law related for so long.”

“Beca writes, from time to time,” Chloe said. “Obviously that’s in her somewhere, it’s part of the songwriting thing. She’s got notebooks. I’ve never read them, never asked. Pretty sure Stacie would be the only one who’s ever had the privilege.”

“Remind me again why they took so long to get together?” Aubrey said. 

“They both have some history that has affected the way they interact with people intimately,” Chloe said. “But the friendship has always been close. I’m not sure how it happened the first time. But they would have been hesitant purely based on their histories, based on not wanting to ruin the friendship. And yeah, being a little oblivious as to what their feelings actually were.”

“Will it change your friendship with them?” Aubrey asked. Chloe almost stopped. But she kept walking. It had been on her mind a little.

“No, I don’t think so,” she said. “I thought about it. They’ve always been much closer to each other than I was with either of them. And they are less connected to other people than I am. I’ve never really felt like a third wheel though, and I don’t think that will change.” They were approaching a coffee shop up ahead.

“Would you like coffee?” Aubrey asked. Chloe smiled and nodded and they headed toward the open door. Chloe bought them both a coffee and they sat in a far corner.

“There are still a few things I think we should talk about,” Chloe said. “I wanted to talk to you about my expectations in this relationship.”

“Expectations?” Aubrey said worriedly.

“I probably could have worded that better,” Chloe said. “I mean, I’m not expecting you to always plan the dates or pay for dinner. I’m not expecting you to constantly shower me with gifts or things like that, the way people assume a man does for a woman.”

“Oh,” Aubrey said, relaxing. “That’s good to hear. I’ve never thought about how those kinds of dynamics change when the relationship is between two women.”

“That’s the point - we’re both women,” Chloe said. “Do I enjoy those things from time to time? Sure. Who doesn’t? Do I expect them? No.”

“But I will do them, when I want to,” Aubrey said.

“And I will, when I want to,” Chloe said. “I just didn’t want you to feel any pressure. We’re equals in this relationship, Aubrey.”

“I’m glad you brought it up, though,” Aubrey said. “The relationship between Charles and I very much followed traditional Southern expectations.”

“You’re from the South,” Chloe said. “You’ve mentioned this a few times, so naturally I have a follow up question. Where’s the Southern accent then?”

“It slips out from time to time if I’m angry or upset or very emotional,” Aubrey said. “Years of boarding school in more northern states drummed it out of me.”

“Then there is the other glaringly obvious thing we haven’t talked about,” Chloe said. “But I don’t think we should talk about it in public.”

“You’d be referring to sex,” Aubrey said. “It’s relatively quiet in here, nobody is paying us any attention, I don’t mind.”

“I’m not going to pressure you for sex, Aubrey,” Chloe said. “I’m not going to hurry you. I want you to take your time and be comfortable. And I don’t want you to be afraid to ask me questions. I’m pretty okay with talking about all this kind of stuff.”

“Good,” Aubrey said. “Because I am going to have questions. I’ve never even approached a sexual experience with a woman before. We can save them for another time, though. But I’d like to state that even if we don’t get to sex for a while yet, I do quite enjoy kissing you. Even that simple act has cemented that I’ve been denying myself far too long.” Chloe leaned in and kissed her very briefly and lightly. She couldn’t help herself, she enjoyed it, too.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go.” They walked on a little more, until Chloe realised they were back almost at her place. Aubrey walked her all the way back up to her apartment door.

“Would you like to come in?” Chloe asked. Aubrey checked the time.

“Not tonight,” she said. “But call me tomorrow?” Chloe nodded. 

“Promise,” she said. She felt Aubrey’s hand cradle the side of her face softly and met her half way in a kiss. There was no need to keep this one restrained, they had no audience, and they had no time pressure. 

It started slow and firm, but before long Aubrey’s tongue was curling delicately into her mouth. Chloe let her arms slip around Aubrey’s neck as she kissed her deeper, letting her weight fall against the slightly taller woman’s body. They kept it going for a while, Aubrey’s hands eventually settling on her waist before they pushed up just a bit further. Chloe was getting a little breathless and a lot turned on and she mentally caught herself right before she did something silly.

“Okay,” Aubrey said, her eyes fluttering closed for a second. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been kissed quite like that. That was… wow.”

“Hey, it was pretty wow on this end, too,” Chloe said. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can get together after I finish work. Nothing fancy. Food. Sweatpants.”

“I’d like that,” Aubrey said.

“And text me when you get home?” Chloe said. Aubrey nodded and brushed a last soft kiss to her lips before she disappeared back down the hall. Her head was spinning in the most pleasant way. Kissing Chloe like that… it had been something she’d wanted to do for a while. And it had been everything she’d anticipated it would be.

She had to sit in the car for a moment to make sure she was clear headed enough to drive. But she shook herself out of her haze and drove back to her apartment. She kicked her shoes off as she entered the living area, texting Chloe that she had in fact arrived home safe and sound. She smiled like an idiot at the sight of her name even though she’d just seen the woman not half hour before. 

She changed into some pajamas and slid into bed with her laptop open. She’d bookmarked a lot of online writing courses that she’d been interested in, and now was as good a time as any to start narrowing them down. She ended up falling asleep with the laptop open on the bed next to her.

It was an easy, slow paced relationship. They went out a bit, stayed in a bit. They double dated with Beca and Stacie a lot. It was comfortable, the four of them. And it was just as comfortable when it was only the two of them. They talked constantly, for hours at a time sometimes. Aubrey was progressing her way through a few online writing courses and was hoping to start looking for freelance work sometime soon. Chloe put her in contact with some people she knew who might have some work opening up. But when they were together, it was blissful, to Aubrey.

Chloe was so patient with her. She did have some patches of pure insanity - like when her mother came to town and asked to meet the redhead who was featured in so many of Aubrey’s photos these days. Aubrey had panicked hard, but Chloe had booked dinner for the three of them and had charmed herself into Mrs Posen’s favor in no time at all. Then there’d been the day Aubrey had just asked her every question under the sun she had about sex between two women. She felt like an idiot, like an uninformed child, but Chloe hadn’t treated her that way, not even for a second.

Of course, the reason she’d been asking the questions was because she couldn’t put off the fact that she wanted to sleep with Chloe. They’d been dating for almost three months and done little more than heated make out sessions. But after Chloe had answered all of her questions, they’d gone out to dinner and gone back to Aubrey’s apartment. And eagerly, though nervously, Aubrey slept with a woman for the first time. 

She confessed to Chloe that she was a little mad at herself that she’d waited so long. Because she had slept with Charles, obviously, but to call both acts by the same name seemed almost insulting. 

Chloe was equally enamoured with Aubrey. She felt closer to Aubrey than any other person she’d dated before. Even though she’d told Aubrey they should take things slow, it didn’t take much for her to admit to herself that she was falling in love.

“You’re in love with her?” Beca asked one day as they met for a catch up lunch.

“I - yeah,” Chloe said. “I didn’t think I’d get here this soon, but I am.”

“Huh,” Beca said. “Maybe… hopefully I’m not going to make this sound like you’re a whore or something because I don’t think that…”

“This should be interesting,” Chloe said with a grin.

“No, hear me out,” Beca said. “A lot of your other relationships have been physical first - like you met at a club or a party or something, a hookup to start - and it was emotional after. But with Aubrey it was the other way around. You guys were close. You talked a lot. About really serious things, too. And then it got physical.” Chloe was surprised at how well Beca was articulating emotional concepts. 

“You know, I think you might be right,” Chloe said. “You’ve gotten wise in your serious relationship, Mitchell. How is all of that going?” Beca understood the question. They often talked about relationships, the four of them, but because they were always out together, Chloe still checked in with Stacie and Beca individually to see how they were going.

“It’s fucking amazing,” Beca said. “I still worry a bit sometimes, about the me stuff getting in the way. But Stace isn’t the kinda girl who’s gonna run at that. I just need to remind myself occasionally.”

“You two are perfect together,” Chloe said. “I’m not saying either of you are perfect, but there is no way anyone else in the world is better suited for you two than each other.”

“Flaws and all,” Beca said. “It’s the big one, Chlo. There’ll be a ring, someday. Stacie and I already talked about that. It’s not imminent. But it’s certain.”

“That actually makes me really happy,” Chloe said. She ended up sharing that little tidbit with Aubrey that night as they were curled up on the couch watching House of Cards on Netflix. 

“Married?” Aubrey said. She still didn’t know the specifics of either of their histories and it didn’t plague her. It wasn’t her business and she wasn’t stupid - they were quiet about it for a reason, Beca especially. “I gotta say, I didn’t peg Beca as the ring and dress type.”

“She’d be the ring and suit type, but yeah, neither did I. Except with Stacie everything is different.”

“Then that’s good,” Aubrey said. 

“Do you still want to get married one day?” Chloe asked. That had come out of nowhere, and Aubrey paused for a moment. Chloe was waiting expectantly for an answer. This would be the first time they talked about marriage in the context of their relationship. Aubrey paused the show.

“Is it too soon to ask you that?” Chloe worried. “I’m sorry Aubrey. For all my talk of taking things slow I really just threw that at you…”

“No, it’s not too soon,” Aubrey said. “Um, the answer to that is yes. I still want to get married. I still want that day and that experience. But honestly, I don’t see it happening for a while yet. I got really close to making that move and I feel like… if I do all that again, I want it to hold. Is marriage - is that something you’ve thought about?”

“Only a couple times,” Chloe confessed in an almost whisper. “You did look beautiful in that white dress.” Aubrey’s heart thudded. So at least Chloe was thinking of her when she thought about marriage.

“You see… us?” Aubrey asked. The redhead nodded.

“One day,” she said. “Not soon. We still have all the time in the world, but you’re the first one I’ve ever thought that far ahead and been okay with it.”

“I’m okay with that, too,” Aubrey said. And the smile she got in return was so beautiful she had to kiss the mouth that had delivered it.

“I love you,” Chloe said into the kiss.

That had kind of moved their relationship from ‘moving slow’ to ‘serious’. But Aubrey reasoned that even despite their best intention to keep things light, they couldn’t help it. Love does what it wants, when it wants. To hell with their plans.

The following week, Aubrey called Chloe in a fluster about a phone call she had received. It took a monumental effort for Chloe to calm her down enough to get a coherent explanation. Her ex-fiancé Charles was in town, and wanted to meet up for dinner with her. And Chloe.

Chloe knew that Aubrey and Charles emailed from time to time. She didn’t see any problem with it - they had been extraordinarily close after all - and she wasn’t the kind of girlfriend who tried to dictate who her partner dedicated time to. Aubrey had told her what they talked about anyway. It seemed they made much better friends than they had a couple. Shared experiences with well meaning but imposing families had built quite the bond between them. And she still thought highly of him, Chloe knew. 

“Of course I’ll have dinner with you,” she said. “Just let me know the time and place and I’ll be there. I’d like to meet him.” Aubrey was a little stunned for a second, but that was Chloe all over. She simply loved to meet people, in any circumstance.

Charles had booked them a table at a restaurant and Aubrey had fiddled nervously the whole way over. Chloe took her hand, thumb rubbing along the skin on the back of her hand in a most comforting manner. She took a deep breath and spotted Charles waiting for them at the table. They embraced for a moment and briefly exchanged comments on how well the other looked before Aubrey introduced Chloe to Charles.

“Charles, this is Chloe Beale,” she said. 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Chloe,” he said, shaking her hand.

“You too,” she replied. “Aubrey talks about you often and in great esteem.”

“She does the same with you,” Charles said with a smile. “I hope you both don’t mind, I ordered a bottle of wine to the table.” It didn’t take long for the waiter to deliver it to the table and take their orders, leaving the three of them to chat. 

London was doing Charles quite well. Work was good, much more interesting than it had been in New York. He’d met a local girl and they’d been out a few times. She was the director of a non-profit foundation involved in raising literacy amongst schoolchildren. 

“Aubrey’s told me the story of how you two met,” Charles said to Chloe. “It’s quite a tale of fate.”

“Pure, unadulterated luck,” Chloe said. “Any other person could have stopped to check on her.”

“But it was you,” Aubrey said fondly. “With your generous heart.” Chloe thought the dinner went well. It could have been extremely awkward for a number of reasons, but Charles in reality was quite warm and relaxed. Chloe excused herself shortly after the mains were cleared to visit the bathroom.

“She’s lovely,” Charles said. “I can see why you’re so taken with her.”

“We both swore to each other that we were going to take it slow,” Aubrey said. “But it hasn’t worked out that way, really.”

“She’s engaging,” Charles said. “And from what very little I’ve seen, she’s an incredibly empathetic person. Genuine in her concern for others.”

“I once watched her literally give someone on the street the coat off of her back,” Aubrey said. “She gives without limit, in every regard.”

“And she makes you happy, Aubrey, and that is what I care about most of all,” he said. “You do seem incredibly happy with her.”

“I really am,” she said, tearing up for a second. “God Charles, it’s not that I was miserable with you but this - ”

“No need to explain,” he said. “And I know you were unhappy with me. Not with me personally, but the entire situation. But I can tell you love Chloe a lot. And I suspect she loves you as well.”

“Are you happy with Nadine?” she asked.

“I am,” he replied. “It’s too soon in almost every regard to say that I love her. We have not yet seen each other ten times. But I am happy when I’m with her.”

“Well for a pair of adults who royally screwed up a wedding we’re doing pretty well for ourselves then,” Aubrey commented, as Chloe came back to the table.

The dinner didn’t go on much longer. Aubrey said to Charles that if it worked out with Nadine he should bring her next time he visited. They split after a hug, and Chloe let Aubrey’s fingers interlace with hers as they settled into the backseat of the taxi.

“He’s a good man,” Chloe said. “I can see how the two of you would have been considered appropriately matched by your parents.”

“I’m glad he’s doing well,” Aubrey said. “That he’s happy. He said the same.”

“How incredible,” Chloe said. “That the two of you can dissolve a relationship on the day of your wedding and still not only remain friends, but remain firmly invested in the happiness of the other. It’s a rarity, for sure.” She let her head rest against the shoulder of her girlfriend. 

“I love you, Chloe,” Aubrey said. 

“I love you too,” Chloe responded.

“Charles once said the way we started sounded like the beginning of a movie or a book,” Aubrey said. “It’s not untrue.”

“I saw a beautiful woman crying into her hands, wearing the most gorgeous dress I’ve ever seen, made only more beautiful by the fact that it was surrounded with hideous subway scenery,” Chloe said. “How could I not stop and talk to you?”

“I’ll never stop thanking whichever god was looking out for me that you did,” Aubrey said. They fell silent for the rest of the trip home, and made their way upstairs to Chloe’s apartment. It was smaller than Aubrey’s, but felt more like a home. Aubrey’s had been a rush decision. And she’d decorated well but it still didn’t feel truly lived in. It was nice, it was big and Chloe had no problem being there, but if there was a choice, she much preferred being at Chloe’s.

They pulled each other close in bed later that night, curling into the familiar shape of one another’s body. Aubrey could feel Chloe’s breathing even out and pressed a kiss against her skin - where, she wasn’t entirely sure, as she was being equally led into sleep. But she was entirely sure of the fact that she was in love and that she was happy.


	5. Stacie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where things start to get a bit darker. Just giving you a heads up. Not like full detail but if you're looking for a brief summary of things from here onwards I'd probably go with: depression, dissociation, mental illness, catatonia, hospitalisation.

Stacie couldn’t really remember a time in her life when she was this happy. Not even as a kid. She tried not to remember her childhood wherever possible if she was being honest. But she’d been happy once she’d gotten out on her own. Moved away to college. Not like this, though. 

Beca was curled up in her bed, snoring lightly. Stacie had worked late the previous night, but Beca had waited up for her with takeout Mexican even though she hadn’t ended up getting until home after ten. They’d microwaved their burritos and Beca had taken her to bed. She would have been completely fine with some hot sex, but instead Beca had given her a back massage, humming all the while, some little tune Stacie couldn’t quite recognise. Stacie had almost been asleep when she’d tugged Beca down and thrown a drowsy arm over her to pull her close.

Now she was watching the steady rise and fall of her back, tattoo peeking out from her tank top and hair strewn everywhere. She was beautiful, even with the snoring. 

It had been going pretty well, the couple thing. Not a great deal had really changed for them over the months they’d officially been together. They still stayed with each other almost every night, spoke constantly. Perhaps all that had really changed was the level of intimacy outside of sex. Stacie loved it though, loved her.

She and Beca had been picked up by the press pretty fast. Someone had asked Beca about their relationship at an event since they’d always been fairly insistent that they were just friends, but now they were pretty clearly more than that. Beca had kept a tight hold of Stacie’s hand as she answered.

“You know, I don’t even think the two of us know exactly when this happened,” she replied. “But we both realised it was stupid pretending that it wasn’t a thing any more. Stace has always been my everything and I have never been happier in my life than I am right now.”

“Same, for the record,” Stacie had interjected. “Beca is all I need and I’m never planning on being without her now.” Beca had planted a soft kiss on her cheek and they’d wandered away from the wall of cameras. Obviously, they’d made most celebrity news channels with that. But people kind of left them alone, which was nice.

Beca shifted in the bed next to her and began to turn over. One of her hands was reaching out a little, so Stacie slid her fingers in between Beca’s and squeezed gently.

“What time is it?” Beca mumbled.

“Early,” Stacie said. “Alarm hasn’t even gone off yet.” She felt herself being pulled into Beca’s embrace, grinning as the smaller girl slid a warm arm over her midsection and nuzzled the back of her neck.

“Do you have to go in straight away?” Beca asked.

“No, I don’t have to be in til around eleven,” Stacie said. She felt Beca kiss her shoulder softly.

“Then we don’t have to get up just yet, right?” the smaller woman asked.

“Nope,” Stacie said. “When are you going into the studio?”

“I’ll leave when you do,” Beca said. “I’m just mastering at the moment, so nobody will be put out by me not being there. And if I had the option of being there or being here, I’m always going to choose right here.”

“Me too,” Stacie said.

“I kinda of don’t want to go to LA next week,” Beca sighed. 

“It’s only four days,” Stacie said. “But I know what you mean. I’ll miss you.” She rolled Beca over so she could lean in and kiss her. The smaller woman responded eagerly, as she always did. Stacie could feel Beca’s hands settling on her sides, fingers skimming softly against her skin as the embrace deepened.

“Hey Bec,” Stacie said quietly, pulling back and propping herself up. Beca looked at her questioningly from underneath her. “I know we say this a lot but I really love you.”

“Stace-”

“Hang on,” Stacie said. “You know what my childhood was like and you know that my relationship with that word isn’t the greatest. You also know that it’s fucked me up a lot, but when I say it to you, I really mean it. I love you, Beca. A lot.” She closed her eyes, a little nervous for some stupid reason. She felt Beca’s fingertips gently pushing hair behind her ear and hesitantly opened her eyes again.

“Look at me,” Beca said. She gently cupped Stacie’s face with her hand to make sure she was looking into her eyes. “I love you, too. A lot. More than I thought I’d ever love someone. And us deciding to be together has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I feel like I’m gonna be okay, you know? Like all that other shit is finally gone.” Stacie kissed her again and this time Beca’s hands didn’t just stop at her waist, and Stacie didn’t stop them.

The following week while Beca was out of town, it was pretty crappy. She managed okay, still went to work and still hung out a little with Chloe and Aubrey. But she did miss Beca and the warmth of her body in the bed next to hers. 

The day Beca got back, Stacie left work early to go and meet her at the airport. She spotted her girlfriend strolling toward her between a couple of her colleagues, but the second she spotted Stacie she hurried up and left them behind. Stacie kissed her hard and Beca held on to her for a long while.

“Fuck I’m ridiculous,” Beca said with a laugh. “We’ve been apart four days and here I am, thinking you smell so good and I don’t wanna let go.”

“Well, let’s get out of here,” Stacie said. “We can just go back to yours before we go out tonight.” They were catching up with Chloe and Aubrey for dinner, the other two girls set to meet them at Beca’s. Beca couldn’t agree quickly enough and they headed back to hers.

They spent a couple of solid hours in bed, before they reluctantly got up to get ready for dinner. Aubrey and Chloe arrived hand in hand and they decided to come in for a drink or two before they headed out. Beca pulled some beers out of the fridge and they sat around catching up on the past couple of days. 

Stacie really liked it when the four of them got together. It was always comfortable and relaxed, and the four of them never worried about being too coupley while they were out. Like now, Chloe was wrapped around Aubrey as the blonde sat on one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter, the two of them an adorably cute couple. Beca had just relinquished her grip on Stacie to answer an unexpected knock on the door.

“If it’s a fucking salesman, I’m gonna kill them,” Beca said. She swung the door open and Stacie saw the color drain from her face as she dropped the beer bottle in her hand. It didn’t shatter but the liquid began spilling out, and Beca slammed the door closed viciously.

“Who was that?’ Stacie asked. Whoever it was, Beca looked like she’d just seen a ghost. Chloe had grabbed some paper towel to clean up the mess on the floor.

“We gotta go,” Beca said blankly. She headed toward the bedroom, but Stacie stopped her.

“Who was that?”

“That would be the man who called himself my father,” Beca said. There was another knock on the door, but Beca disappeared into the bedroom. Stacie stalked over to the door and swung it open so she could finally see the asshole with her own two eyes.

“I know she’s in here,” he said. “I found out-”

“You can fuck off now, thanks,” she said.

“I most certainly will not,” he responded. “You can keep out of our family business.” Stacie’s eyes narrowed. That man was not Beca’s family. They were. She can’t admit to having thought her next move through clearly, but it happened regardless - she pulled her fist back and hurled it into his face as hard as she’d ever done anything in her life. The man stumbled back clutching his face, blood already seeping through his fingers. 

“Stacie,” Aubrey breathed. She was still clenching her fist tight. Beca came out of the bedroom with a packed bag and jerked her head to signal that they all needed to leave. Stacie was beginning to worry. This couldn’t be good for her. Even thinking about him sometimes, and what he’d done to her, was enough to pull her into a depressive state. Beca stopped over the man’s shocked form. 

“Fine,” she said. “Stay. We’re leaving. And don’t even think about following me, you asshole. I see your face again and I’ll have you picked up for stalking. You are fucking dead to me, you hear that?” They stepped over him and headed outside, Chloe hailing the first taxi she could and directing the driver to Stacie’s apartment.

Stacie sat in the back clutching her girlfriend’s hand as tight as she could. They weren’t speaking but she could see Beca slowly losing it the longer they drove. To her credit, she managed to hold it in until they got upstairs. 

It was a tense silence at first. Chloe and Aubrey were hanging back but Stacie knew something was about to happen, she could feel it radiating off of her. Beca’s eyes closed and then a single tear slid out.

And then she screamed. A loud, guttural noise that erupted from her tiny body. She tossed her bag halfway across the room - ignoring that at least one thing in there had just broken, shaking and crying. Ranting about how it wasn’t fair. Stacie could only wrap her arms around her and let her go for it. She heard Chloe briefly say they’d give them a moment and to let them know when it was safe to return. She nodded but didn’t pay any attention as they left, because Beca was literally falling apart in her arms.

Beca’s relationship with her dad was not even remotely civil. She hadn’t seen the man since she turned eighteen, and hadn’t seen him for four years before that. She bore heavy emotional and psychological scars from his influence on her life, and some physical ones. And Stacie hated that this was happening, when things had been close to perfect. Beca deserved better. She deserved the best.

“I know, babe,” was all she could manage as the smaller woman’s weight fell against her. “It isn’t fair. But you can stay here with me. Forever if you have to. I won’t let him anywhere near you.” Beca began to still after a while, but Stacie wasn’t feeling like this was a good thing. She pulled back and saw that Beca had gone completely blank in the eyes.

“Beca?” she said.

“Yeah I’m fine,” she said in an oddly calm tone. Stacie’s stomach lurched. She most definitely was not fine. “Where’d the others go?”

“They uh, just went to get some coffee,” Stacie said. “I can tell them to come back?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said. Stacie was staring at her. “Oh, can you see if they can grab a pack of Golds on the way back?” Stacie dug her phone out and sent the text, but the dead giveaway that Beca was not fine was that she was asking for cigarettes. She only ever picked up smoking right before she cycled into deep depression.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Stacie asked. 

“Fine,” she said. It was clear that Stacie didn’t believe her. “Stace, it’s just… I mean, I love you. That hasn’t changed. But it’s just painfully evident that I’m never going to be able to put that stuff behind me. What they did and… all of it. I’m obviously not supposed to ever be free from that.” Stacie’s heart was breaking. She was being so rational and matter of fact about it. She knew it was happening again - Beca was dissociating. The last time this had happened she’d needed months of therapy. 

They moved to the couch like nothing was wrong, until Chloe and Aubrey returned with coffee and the promised cigarettes. Beca took the pack and the lighter Chloe had thought to grab as well.

“Not inside, babe,” Stacie said. Beca nodded and kissed her on the cheek, picked up her coffee and went out onto the balcony.

“She seems - better,” Aubrey said, heavily surprised.

“She’s not,” Chloe said, taking one look at Stacie. “What happened?”

“She’s dissociating,” Stacie said painfully. “Watched it happen. There’s nothing there, it all just drained out of her.” Chloe said she’d go stay with Beca and try and talk to her. Stacie was trying not to break down crying, but all it took was Aubrey’s hand on her arm for that to get thrown out the window.

“I just hate that this is happening to her,” Stacie said. “Again. She’s already been through enough of this shit and then he shows up and god damn it, that’s enough.” Aubrey plucked a couple of tissues from her purse and pressed them into Stacie’s hand and then hugged her. It wasn’t much, but it was comforting.

“If she’s done it before, she can do it again,” Aubrey said. “We’ll all do it together.”

Chloe came back into the room, sliding the door closed behind her. She had a worried look on her face as well and all three of them settled on the couch.

“She told me to come back in and that she’s fine,” Chloe said. “She’s drinking her coffee and chain-smoking and that’s about it.”

“Fuck,” Stacie said. “I’m gonna have to call the studio. And my boss. We’re going to have to be off for god knows how long.” Chloe sighed.

“She did say that maybe we should tell Aubrey,” the redhead said. “To - quote - stop her from running from the absolute crazy she put on display before.”

“You don’t have to,” Aubrey said. “It’s not my business.”

“No, it’s fine,” Stacie said. “She likes you, she tells me that. And if you want to help, you’re going to have to know what happened.”

“Um, okay.” Chloe took Aubrey’s hand.

“Beca definitely suffers from a dissociative disorder,” Stacie said. “I’m not a psychiatrist but my best guess from everything I’ve read would be depersonalisation disorder. And she suffers some pretty extreme depression as a result, and insomnia. And it can all be traced back to what her dad did when she was fourteen.”

“Oh god,” Aubrey said, making an assumption.

“Not that,” Stacie said. “But I can’t say it’s better than that, either. Beca came out to her dad and stepmom when she was fourteen. She had met a girl she really liked, wanted to bring her home. They were really casual about it, so Beca was jazzed, right? And then like, two nights later, Beca was drugged, taken from her bed and shoved in the back of a van, taken to one of those crazy religious conversion farms.” 

“Oh my.”

“And it was the extreme end of crazy,” Stacie said. “She busted out after like a month, but her dad dragged her back down there and this time she stayed for two years. I’m not going to go into detail about what happened to her there. I don’t like thinking about it, let alone talking about it. But it’s left her with some fucking intense emotional damage, and physical damage as well.”

“How did she get out?” Aubrey asked, aghast.

“Stole a knife from the kitchens,” Chloe supplied. “Held one of the workers at knifepoint, stole his wallet and made him drop her at a train station. Then she kinda was homeless for the next couple of years. Stayed at friends places, lived in a car for a bit.”

“She graduated a little late,” Stacie said. “But still qualified for college. We were freshman roommates. That’s how we met. We bonded over shitty histories, and we’ve been inseparable since. But sometimes it all gets to her. It might be flashbacks of what happened at the farm. Sometimes she wakes up screaming because she thinks she murdered that orderly guy. Sometimes she wakes up choking and gasping and I’m too fucking scared to ask her what that’s about.”

“Can I go talk to her?” Aubrey asked.

“You want to go talk to her?”

“I don’t want to ask her questions about any of that,” Aubrey clarified. “But the depression thing, I can at least relate to that.” Stacie just nodded, surprised and Aubrey excused herself.

“Did you know about that?” Stacie asked.

“She told me,” Chloe said. “She’s repressed her sexuality for so long. She was suicidal more than once. Depressed quite often during her early to mid twenties. What are we gonna do about Becs?”

“I can only love her,” Stacie said. “Take her to the doc, make her go to appointments, even if she doesn’t want me to. I don’t know, whatever she needs me to do, I’ll do it.” She began crying again, and Chloe just gathered her up. The door slid open and Beca and Aubrey returned. Beca still looked vacant but she turned and hugged Aubrey.

“Huh,” Beca said, shrugging a little. “I guess I am dissociating. Because I know I should have felt something big and emotional with Aubrey just now. And I didn’t. Kinda wish I had.”

“Call if you need us,” Aubrey said to Stacie, making her promise she would. Then she and Chloe left.

“I asked Bree if they could leave,” Beca said. “She said you were crying, Stace. You don’t cry.”

“I’m just scared,” Stacie said. “This is always so hard for you to get through and I hated seeing you struggle with it when we were just friends. Now it’s going to be absolute torture. I can’t stand the thought of seeing you struggle like that again.”

“I love you, Stacie, okay?” Beca said. She pulled the other girl down so their foreheads were resting together. “Aubrey and I talked a bit, and I know it seems like I’m checking out, but I promised her and I’m promising you right now, I want to make it through this. And I will, if you’re with me. I can do anything if you’re with me.” Stacie let out another strangled sob and then pulled her in, holding her tight.

“I love you,” Stacie said. 

“So let’s go to bed,” Beca said. “We’ll skip dinner tonight, let’s just hold each other and in the morning I’ll call Dr Callan and we’ll get started before it gets too bad.” Stacie nodded, feeling Beca brush the tears off of her cheeks. She felt like such an idiot. Beca was the one placating her instead of the other way around. But they both washed up and climbed into bed. Stacie tried valiantly to stay awake until Beca had fallen asleep, but it was pointless. She took solace in the fact that Beca still hadn’t moved from her arms and allowed herself to fall asleep.

They got a hold of Beca’s doctor in the morning, who was happy to have her come in pretty much straight away. Stacie went with her, sitting in the waiting room and texting Chloe and Aubrey to keep them posted. It was the first session of many over the next month, all of which Stacie waited through patiently. She was fortunate really, that she never really took vacation time, and generally worked through the holidays when most others wanted to be off with their families. They weren’t entirely happy that she’d given next to no notice, but once she explained that it was a very serious family emergency, they granted her six weeks of leave.

The therapy seemed to be helping a little. Beca was able to talk more about what she was feeling. She wasn’t what most people would consider well, though. She tended to come to bed with Stacie of an evening and wait until she fell asleep. Then she’d get back up and sit on the balcony, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Sometimes she’d sit inside and write in a journal, long and rambling entries. And on those nights, Stacie would occasionally wake to the sound of Beca crying and then pull her back into bed and hold her until she stopped or fell asleep.

They kept regular dates with Chloe and Aubrey. Chloe was still working but Aubrey was free, so if Stacie had to duck out to run errands or pick up groceries she’d ask Aubrey to come and stay with Beca. She could tell Beca resented it at first, but after a while she’d come home and see that the two of them were talking. Stacie was thankful really. Despite their common shitty histories, they processed things very differently. But Aubrey and Beca were a little similar in personality so Stacie was happy to have her over if it helped Beca even a little.

On the whole, she felt like Beca was improving. She was watching her one night as they sat on the couch. Something was playing on the television but they weren’t really paying attention. They were talking. Beca was talking, more accurately, about what she’d covered in therapy that day. Stacie always wanted Beca to feel like she could share about therapy but some of the stories she heard - and not even for the first time - plagued her mind for hours afterward. This was one of those stories. Beca was retelling something that had happened back at the conversion therapy place she’d been taken to, when she fell silent.

“Bec?” Stacie said, nudging her. Sometimes she got lost in the middle of a thought - which could be attributed to the depression, or the medication, or the insomnia. But Beca didn’t move this time. She was rigid and barely blinked. Stacie shook her a little, but there was no response. She felt her heart thud painfully in her chest and panic began to set in.

“Beca?” she said. “Beca, talk to me.” She repeated it over and over but Beca still didn’t move. It was like she had been frozen solid. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Stacie breathed. Not now. Not when she thought things were getting better. She knew enough about medicine to know that catatonia in depressive patients was very much not a sign of improvement. She felt her eyes welling up with tears and berated herself for losing it now, of all times. But now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop.

She couldn’t very well call for an ambulance or a doctor in this state, so she called Chloe, even though it was late. She managed to get a sob or two out, the drowsy Chloe saying that she and Aubrey would be there as soon as they could get a cab. Stacie just crawled onto the couch and tried to get some kind of response out of Beca. Anything. But apart from breathing and very sporadic blinking, she was still and mute. 

Chloe and Aubrey arrived and quickly deduced what was happening. Aubrey called 911 while Chloe took care of Stacie, saying they needed to get some stuff together because chances were Beca wasn’t going to be able to just come home in the morning after this one. By the time the paramedics had arrived, Stacie was a lot more composed on the outside, but nowhere near being composed on the inside. She answered their questions about how long it had been going, what had triggered it, her mental health history. Then they gave Beca a muscle relaxant so they could get her loaded up to go to the hospital and told Stacie to come along if she wanted. Chloe promised to lock up and meet them there.

Stacie was petrified. Things had never gotten this bad before. She didn’t know what to do, or think and she could feel herself getting overwhelmed. One of the paramedics saw her freaking out and told her to take deep breaths.

“Calm down,” she said. “I’m sure your friend will be fine. Take her hand.” Stacie nodded and took Beca’s hand in her own until they got to the hospital. The emergency physicians pretty much pointed her to a corner and told her not to move and let them work. Stacie was too scared to disobey. But she’d remembered to bring the list of medications Beca had been taking, and describe what had happened right before the catatonia. People came in and out of the room so often that she had no idea who they all were.

“What about next of kin?” the doctor said. “Who’s the legal contact?”

“I am,” Stacie said. They’d become each other’s legal next of kin about six years ago since they’d had no other family. “I’ve got papers that prove it.” A doctor and nurse beckoned her outside so she followed. Chloe and Aubrey spotted them and approached, Stacie telling the doctor it was okay.

“We think it’s in Beca’s best interest to have her stay for a couple of days,” the doctor said. “Given her recent depressive episode, her history of mental illness… she needs a lot more help than you’re going to be able to provide to her. We’d like to place her on a seventy two hour psychiatric hold.”

“Lock her up?” Chloe asked. Stacie gestured for her to be quiet. 

“Do you think this is going to happen again?” Stacie said. “The catatonia?”

“There’s no way I could say it definitively,” the doctor said. “But unless we deal with the underlying issues, probably. We’d like to observe her, treat her, and discuss with her some options to deal with her underlying mental disorder.”

“This seventy two hours, though, can I see her?” Stacie asked. 

“I should add,” the nurse said, “that if you decline, we still have the option of holding her against her will. And we’d be successful in petitioning for that. And we’re not locking her up, she’s not a danger to anyone. She’d be committed on the grounds of deteriorating and debilitating mental status.”

“We would prefer to do this with your assistance,” the doctor said.

“Okay,” Stacie said. It felt like the right thing to do. “I mean, she was being treated so I think she’d want me to do whatever I had to for her to get better. I told her I would. So yeah.”

“You will be allowed to visit her, supervised,” the nurse said. “And you can go with her while we transfer her in. But she’s still not lucid or moving at the moment, so you need to be ready for that.” Stacie nodded, and fumbled for Chloe’s hand. The doctor and nurse headed back inside Beca’s room but Stacie turned to her friend.

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” Stacie asked. Aubrey answered first, and put her at ease.

“Yes, Stacie,” she said. “Definitely. You’re leaving Beca in the hands of medical professionals who know how to handle her problems far more efficiently than we do. There’s nothing else you could do that would be more beneficial than this.” Stacie nodded and turned as she heard them bringing Beca out. She hurried over, followed by her friends.

“Only the next of kin can come up,” the nurse said.

“We’ll wait down here,” Chloe promised. “Til you’re ready and want to go home. We love you, Stace.” Stacie just nodded and followed the gurney as it was pushed quickly down the halls.


	6. Beca

The next thing Beca was consciously aware of was waking up in a hospital bed. She was lulled out of it by the sound of Stacie’s voice. It was quiet and she couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying but she knew it was her. When the other woman saw that she was awake, she immediately hit the call button and took her hand.

“Beca,” she said softly. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re back.” Beca realised just how tired Stacie looked and reached her hand up to touch the side of her face. She felt weak but okay.

“Um…” she couldn’t really sift through the fog that was laying thick in her head, but she was pretty sure she wasn’t at home. Stacie was reading her mind almost, because she answered.

“You’re in the hospital,” her girlfriend said. “We were talking and all of a sudden - you just froze. And you didn’t talk or move or anything so we had to bring you here. You were catatonic, Beca.” Beca’s brow furrowed and she let that sink in. A doctor appeared and Beca motioned for Stacie to help her get the bed more upright.

“You’re lucid,” the doctor said. “I’m Dr Iverson.”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I don’t really remember though. How long was I catatonic for?”

“Almost two full days, babe,” Stacie said softly.

“What’s wrong with me?” Beca asked. “I mean, what caused it?”

“Best guess, given your recent issues, is severe psychological distress,” the doctor said. “Which is something we need to have a talk about. Because there’s no telling whether it’s going to be recurrent or not.” Beca nodded slowly. 

“And when can I go home?” she asked.

“Not til tomorrow afternoon at the earliest,” the doctor said. “We need to keep an eye on you and we’d like to discuss some treatment plans with you.”

“I’m already in therapy,” Beca said, confused.

“I know,” the doctor said. He shot a look at Stacie.

“No, don’t send her out,” Beca said. “She has to stay, please. I’m not going to be able to do anything without her.” She felt Stacie grab onto her hand. 

“I think you might benefit from a more comprehensive inpatient program,” the doctor said. “I’d like to give you some information so you can make a decision regarding that.”

“You think I need to be locked up?” Beca said. “I don’t - I mean, I don’t remember being violent? Babe, did I hurt you?” She looked sick at the very thought that she might have hurt Stacie.

“No, Beca, no,” Stacie placated her. “Not at all.”

“No, you weren’t violent,” he responded. “But your mental state has decreased rapidly despite therapy and meds. The inpatient program would see us explore a few options and increase your therapy for a while.”

“And how long is this program?” Beca asked. 

“Sixty days,” the doctor said. “You’d come voluntarily, though. And you could have visitors.”

“Is that the only option I have?” Beca asked.

“No,” he said. “There’s an outpatient option but it’s not nearly as comprehensive. Can I be blunt here?”

“I prefer it, if you don’t mind,” Beca said. 

“Good,” he replied. “Here’s how it is. I’ve been doing this for a really long time and I think you’d benefit from the more specialised care we’d be able to give you in an inpatient program. I’m not saying your therapist now is an idiot. I’m sure that’s not the case. But if things are progressing to a point where you’re still cycling through depressive episodes and they now result in catatonia, you don’t need a therapist. You need a fully qualified psychiatrist. But I’ll let you stew over that for a while. I just need to check you out real quick and then I’ll bring you some information so you know what exactly we’re offering and leave you to it for a while.” He examined Beca quickly, checking vitals and asking some questions to figure out what she did and didn’t remember. After he had completed his checks, he disappeared, sending a nurse back with some paperwork for her to have a look at. She said if she had any questions to write them down and the doctor would be able to answer them later.

“Uh, Stace?” Beca asked as she got to the third paragraph. “My brain’s too foggy for this shit. Can you go through it with me?” Stacie nodded and Beca realised for the first time that she had tears in her eyes. She put the stack of paper down and tugged the taller girl closer, fighting with the rail on the side of the bed for a second.

“Fucking thing won’t go - there,” she said, finally succeeding in getting the rail down. She awkwardly pulled Stacie onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her as best she could. She felt tears against her neck and shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

“You okay babe?” she asked softly. She felt Stacie nodding. 

“I was just so scared,” she whispered. “I was so scared that you weren’t gonna come back.” She pulled back and Beca kissed her softly.

“I know,” she said. “But thank you for staying with me on this one. Seriously.”

“I love you,” Stacie said.

“I love you too,” Beca replied, holding on to her for a while longer. Eventually Stacie felt better and moved back to her chair.

“Hey Stace?” Beca said. “Am I allowed to drink coffee?” Stacie didn’t actually know what kind of restrictions she was on so they paged the nurse who said she would be allowed coffee as long as she didn’t go overboard, and could eat something light as well.

“How about I go and get us both a cup of coffee and maybe a ham and cheese croissant?” Stacie said. Beca nodded and Stacie kissed her on the cheek before she left. 

She came back pretty quickly and they took a few moments just to enjoy the coffee and croissants without worrying about the other stuff. But Stacie had obviously pulled herself together on her outing, because as soon as she was done she pulled the paperwork the nurse had left toward herself and began summarising it for Beca.

Beca got the gist of it. She did have some questions, and Stacie jotted them all down so she could ask them later. It sounded like it’d be in her best interest to do the inpatient program. She wasn’t an idiot. The therapy and meds she’d been taking had been enough to stave off a full blown meltdown - for a while. But she needed more help. She wanted to get better and be better. For herself, but also for Stacie. But Stacie was going to fight her on it, she knew it. This wasn’t any way to live the rest of her life. Swinging in and out of depression with no warning, dissociating, and checking out for months at a time. Even if Stacie and her hadn’t been the biggest factor, she still had a career she had to continue. 

When Stacie had left her for the night, she called Chloe, hoping that she and Aubrey were together so she could pick both their brains simultaneously about it. After a quick catch up with the two of them, she summarised both of the options she’d been given.

“Bree,” Beca said. “I know Chloe and I are a lot closer, but you’re a lot more rational than she is. What would you do?”

“I’d do the inpatient program,” Aubrey admitted. “I would.”

“I would too,” Chloe said. “Becs, don’t get me wrong, it’ll be rough not having you around for sixty days but I think it’s the best choice.”

“Me too,” she said. “And the kicker for me is… Stace just seems so tired, you know? And I know she’d never say that I was a burden to her, but I can see that it’s taking a toll. I don’t want to do that to her. I want to get better as quickly as I can so that we can get back to the other stuff. Dinner and drinks, and waking up next to each other stuff. The dorky in love making each other smile stuff. I wanna get to a point where I don’t have to worry about this coming back to bite me all the time.”

“Do you want us to be there to help you break it to her?” Chloe asked.

“No, it’s okay,” Beca said. She sighed. “Thanks guys. Once I get what the visitation deal and stuff is, I’d love to see you both.”

“For sure, Becs,” Chloe said. “Love you.” She hung up and stared at the phone for a while. She hated the idea of having to tell Stacie that she was gonna stay. But it would be for the best, she knew it.

The next morning she spoke with the doctor about staying for inpatient treatment. He advised her it was for the best, and said he’d be back later on to answer her questions. Beca knew she had to tell Stacie straight away. The other girl arrived a minute after visitation started with a cup of coffee and some pastries.

“Hey,” Beca said, as Stacie kissed her on the cheek. “We need to talk.”

“I know what you’re gonna say,” Stacie said. 

“I have to stay in the inpatient program,” Beca said. “I thought about it a lot and I talked about it with Bree and Chloe. I gotta do it.”

“But you don’t,” Stacie said. “I can take care of you. I will take care of you, I’ll take a sabbatical from work, I don’t care about anything more than I care about you.”

“Stacie… I know you’d do anything for me,” Beca said. “Just let me explain, okay? I love you so goddamn much, you know? And I want to hurry up and get to the part where we live the rest of our days being stupidly in love, and I want it to be as quickly as humanly possible. I know this is taking a toll on you. You need to go back to work. Live the other parts of your life as well. I can see what this is doing to you and I know you don’t care about that, but I do.”

“I’m not leaving you here,” Stacie said shakily.

“Yeah you are,” Beca said. “Because I want to get better so that we can be better together. I need you to let me do this.” Stacie didn’t look entirely happy for a minute but she conceded. Then she wriggled her way onto the bed and kissed her, then they lay there together. They didn’t move again until the doctor came back with a colleague. The colleague was introduced as Doctor Li, who was one of the supervising doctors for the inpatient program. 

Again, Beca requested that Stacie stay present for all of the information and talking about to take place. And she was careful to make sure that she would be able to have visitors because even though she was signing up to stay in the hospital for sixty days, she didn’t want to be without Stacie. Doctor Li confirmed that she would be able to have visitors between three and eight every day if she wasn’t in session and ten and eight on Sundays. Then they started asking all of the questions that she’d written down the previous day.

“Is she allowed to like, bring stuff?” Stacie asked. “Like some music stuff? Not to work on but to listen to?”

“Well, yes, you can. The way it works is that we’ll transfer you to the new hospital and you get a single room. It’s not big. And it won’t lock,” she warned. “You can, of course, keep some personal effects with you with some exceptions. And you’ll be subject to random searches for contraband. If you want something to be kept safe, we recommend you get a padlock for the cabinet. But again - we’ll be checking that cabinet from time to time.”

“No that’s fine,” Beca said. “I just don’t think I’d be able to go sixty days without listening to music.”

“As long as it’s at an appropriate noise level it won’t be a problem.”

“And how much therapy are we talking here?” Beca asked. 

“Multiple sessions daily,” Doctor Li said. “Two personal sessions, one group session and another session just to see how meds are going. Meal times are set, and supervised. You’ll get a clear schedule so you can tell people when they’re able to come and visit.”

“Are there rules about how many people can come and visit?” Beca asked. 

“Yes,” Doctor Li said. “You can give us four names. They’ll be allowed to come at the same time, but if the visits get a bit rowdy and start disturbing the other patients we will need to restrict that also.”

“Well it’d only be Stace plus two others,” Beca said. “None of whom would be considered rowdy. And uh, how soon will I be able to go?”

“Well…” Dr Iverson said. “We still need to discuss the cost of such a program.” Beca shot a look at Stacie, who smirked a little but reigned it in.

“Sorry,” the doctor said. “Have I missed something?”

“Ah, I believe payment isn’t going to be an issue,” Dr Li said. “Forgive me, but you are that Beca Mitchell, are you not?”

“Without sounding like a huge dick, I am,” Beca said. It was clear Iverson had no clue what that mean. “Doc, if you’ve listened to the top forty in the past… what, five years? Then you’ve probably heard something that I either wrote, produced, collaborated or sang on. Money is no issue.”

“And I assure you, your privacy will be respected as well,” Dr Li said. “We can have you settled in today. We have empty beds, so as soon as you can be medically cleared for transfer, we can take care of paperwork and have you transported this afternoon.”

“Right,” Beca said. “Um… so I’m assuming Stace will need to go and pack some of my shit?”

“I’ll have a list faxed over immediately of things we recommend you bring,” Dr Li said. “And personal stuff outside of clothes and toiletries shouldn’t be any bigger than say… a backpack size. And no internet connected devices. You mentioned music so we can allow a smartphone if that’s how you access your music but we’ll be making sure there’s no SIM, and you won’t have access to WiFi.” 

“No, that’s fair,” Beca said.

“You’re making the right call,” Dr Iverson said. “I believe this is going to be really helpful to you.”

“Yeah I hope so,” Beca said. The two doctors left them alone for a while. The nurse returned almost immediately, though, with a list for Stacie to take so she could pack Beca’s stuff.

“There’s a whole bunch of stuff you can’t bring,” Stacie said. “Pens, pencils etc. Belts. Shoes with shoelaces. I gotta take the drawstrings out of your hoodies and sweatpants.”

“I guess there’d probably be people there who are suicidal,” Beca said. “Oh so I guess like a phone charger cable would be a no?”

“Uh… anything longer than a foot,” Stacie said. “You have that short one with the dock that you hate. That’ll work. But no headphones.”

“Bluetooth speaker?” Beca asked. 

“That’s allowed, but I’ll have to stop off and grab a short charging cable,” Stacie said. “I should probably go, Becs. This stuff might take a while.”

“I won’t let them take me til you get back,” Beca promised. She pulled Stacie toward her and kissed her softly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she said.

“Hey - um, there’s a photo stuck on my fridge of me and you,” Beca said. “Can you make sure you grab it for me?”

“Of course,” Stacie said. She brushed a kiss to the top of Beca’s head and then left, only for the nurse to reappear.

“So,” the middle aged woman said. “I’m here to take that IV out. How ready are you for a hot shower?” She was carrying a towel and a toiletries pack.

“Yes please,” Beca said. “Damn, some clean underwear would be good.”

“Your girlfriend brought some,” she said. “She wasn’t sure what to bring when you were admitted so she brought a change of clothes, which you can put on now, since you’re being transferred.” Beca looked surprised but waited until the IV had been removed, then found the bag under the bed. 

“Then heck yes I am ready for a hot shower,” Beca said.

“Okay,” the nurse said. “I’ll leave you to it.” Beca took her belongings into the tiny, cramped bathroom stall of her private room. Tiny, but the shower worked just fine. She washed her hair with the cheap shampoo and soaped herself down with a stiff sliver of soap, enjoying the hot water against her skin.

Stacie returned just after lunch with a duffle and a messenger bag. Beca embraced her and held on for a few moments longer than usual. She was about to be without her for sixty days. 

“I got it all,” Stacie said. “I remembered the picture. But the only shoes you have with no laces are boots or slippers. So I bought your slippers but I stopped off and got you a pair.”

“Stace, you didn’t have to buy me shoes,” Beca said. Stacie just shrugged.

“Had to stop for the charger for your Bluetooth speaker anyway,” she said. “Are you nervous?”

“A bit,” Beca admitted. “This is probably gonna be a mindfuck and a half. But it’s time. I’m gonna miss you like crazy though.” 

“I’m planning on stopping past every day,” Stacie said. “Even if it’s just for a while.”

“That’d be great,” Beca said. “I’m not sure how I’m going to sleep without you.”

“I put a couple of my t-shirts in there as pajamas for you,” Stacie said.

“You’re the best girlfriend ever,” Beca said. She felt a little choked up. “Stace… this kinda shit made every single other girlfriend I’ve had bail and-”

“I know,” Stacie said. Beca kissed her softly but tenderly and then the two of them sat there together, Stacie’s arm wrapped around Beca until it was time to go. She was presented with a bunch of paperwork to sign, Stacie skimming each one before she let her sign them, just in case.

She was allowed to tag along for the transport since Beca was a relatively simple patient to transfer. She wasn’t required to be on a gurney and she was completely compliant. The new hospital was hidden in plain view in the city. Stacie was surprised they’d never noticed it before.

“That’s kind of the point,” the orderly said. “Nobody really knows what this building is. Privacy for all involved. People who walk in and enquire get told it’s a medical research facility.”

Beca was shown to a room on the fourth floor of the building. True to what she’d been told, it had a door but not a lock. But it was all clean and tidy and simple. The orderly was Rick and he made her take everything out of her bag so he could make sure it was all above board, and then Stacie helped her put it all away in the small chest of drawers and cabinet. The photo she left sitting on her nightstand so she could have it close by. Rick then fastened a band around her left wrist.

“What are the colors for?” Beca asked, noting that it had a blue and yellow stripe on it.

“The blue means you’re not a suicide risk,” Rick said. “Li would have gotten your history before you left. The yellow is because you’ve been clinically comatose or catatonic in the past thirty days. Just symbolic so that if there’s a medical emergency we can jump in and act appropriately.”

“Oh,” Beca said, looking at the band. It felt a bit reductionist but she guessed it served a purpose.

“Time to go, I’m afraid,” Rick said to Stacie. “I’ll give you a minute but Beca has to see a few doctors this afternoon.” He waited outside, and the two girls shared a long kiss and then held each other close for a few moments.

“I love you Stacie,” Beca said.

“Love you too, Beca,” she replied. “I’ll be back tomorrow at three.”

“Okay,” she said. “Call Chlo and Bree and tell them I got settled in okay.”

“Will do.” Stacie stopped in the doorway just to look back at Beca before she left.

“I’ll be fine,” Beca promised. Stacie finally left and Beca took a deep breath. This was shitty. It was the right move, absolutely, but it still sucked. 

The rest of her day was spent speaking with doctors. She’d anticipated that. She was also thoroughly examined and had blood drawn for testing. During the evening meal she’d met a handful of other patients, most of whom recognised her. That worried her a little bit - because the staff had assured her that they would respect her privacy to the utmost, but they couldn’t stop patients spreading it to visitors. 

When Stacie returned the next day, she had Chloe and Aubrey with her, which was a nice surprise. She’d already had two sessions that day and she was getting the impression that this treatment was going to be brutal. She was tired and had a vague headache, but it seemed to dissipate the second Stacie put her arms around her.

“You okay?” Chloe asked, as they perched on her bed. 

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I mean, it’s been one day. The therapy is hardcore. And I have group a bit later. But I’ll get through it.”

“What’s wrong?” Stacie asked, brow furrowing a little. “Something’s off.”

“No, not really,” Beca said. “Just… I have this feeling like some of the patients here… I don’t know how long my being here is going to stay quiet.”

“What do you want to do?” Aubrey asked.

“It’s only going to take one visitor to spot me and then it’s everywhere,” Beca said. “Stace… can you call the studio? Get them to release a statement?”

“You want to tell everyone you’re here?” Chloe asked.

“Not specifically where I am,” Beca said. “But that I’m receiving treatment for ongoing psychiatric issues, sure. I don’t think I should be ashamed of it. Of getting help when I need it. Just say I’m in a facility receiving specialised care, please respect our privacy, you know.”

“You sure?” Stacie asked. “People are going to come looking for answers.”

“I know,” Beca said. “But I’ll deal with that later. After this.” They hung out and chatted for a little while longer until Beca was summoned for group therapy. 

It didn’t take long to settle into a routine. Stacie visited daily. Normally for an hour or so after work, longer on the weekends. Chloe and Aubrey popped by a few times a week. Aubrey moreso than Chloe, but that was purely because Aubrey wasn’t working. They were getting to be quite good friends now. 

The statement Beca’s studio had released had made news across the globe. There was a lot of speculation about what had caused her breakdown; people even began following Stacie to ask questions. Stacie just continually reiterated that she was getting treatment, it was going well, she was on target to finish in the sixty days and it was relating to incidents during Beca’s adolescence. She didn’t waver; she was steadfast in her answers and firm in her assurances that she and Beca were still together, through anything.

Treatment was, in fact, going well. Beca had really hit the sweet spot with one of her psychiatrists. She never would have picked a mid-fifties Canadian man as the one she’d connect with, but he managed to get her openly talking about her experiences on the conversion farm, the struggles she’d had afterward with nightmares, the depression and the dissociation. They still hadn’t quite managed to figure out what had triggered the catatonic episode, but the doctor was leaning toward the likelihood that she was just finally at her breaking point.

Despite her progress, she still held back in group a little. She shared occasionally, but she still very much felt like a large portion of the group members were a little star struck by her presence. She’d befriended a handful of patients, but not many. She asked one of the group co-ordinators if that was a problem - that she couldn’t seem to make friends there.

“Not really,” she’d replied. “Your situation is a little different to others in here. You’ve got friends outside?”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I mean, there’s Stacie. And Chlo and Bree are basically family, plus guys from the studio, some old college buddies.”

“So it’s not really a worry,” the woman suggested. “The celebrity thing throws people off, and we’ve noticed the change in group dynamics, and that you’re selective in what you share with them. But it’s not anything concerning to us, because you’re letting it all loose where it counts.”

“Okay… thanks,” Beca said. That made her feel a bit better. 

About five and a half weeks in, Stacie came to see her on a Sunday. The taller girl was happy at how calm Beca looked. The meds had balanced out and she wasn’t really taking a super high dosage of anything now, not like she had been before. But she’d definitely improved - she could talk about her past in great detail and she wasn’t sliding back into depression, she was able to explain it and acknowledge the ongoing effect it was having on her without any issues.

“You’re doing so well,” Stacie said. Beca kissed her passionately. Stacie sighed happily as they broke apart. She missed Beca in a lot of ways, sex included, but she would wait as long as she had to with progress like this.

“I actually feel good,” Beca said. “Legitimately good.”

“The studio called,” Stacie said. “There are about five million people looking for info so they can write the tragic Beca Mitchell story.”

“What?”

“Unofficial biography,” Stacie supplied. “Aubrey’s calling people she knows to make sure things are locked down.”

“People want to read about this shit?” Beca asked. “Huh.”

“Huh, what?” Stacie said, eyes narrowing.

“How do you do that?” Beca asked. “You know when I’m thinking something.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Well, Aubrey’s a writer now, isn’t she?” Beca pointed out. It was true. The blonde was doing some freelance writing, still taking it easy but happy with her career change.

“You want Aubrey to write a book about you?”

“Sounds like the book is going to be written either way,” Beca said. “Maybe it’s best to get out in front of it, do it properly. All I can do is ask her - at least she knows me.”

“She’d probably go for it,” Stacie said. “And you could probably swing Chloe’s help too. Not that you’d need help getting it published.”

“Tell her to stop by soon,” Beca said. “I’ll ask her.” Stacie stuck around for a while longer and Beca walked her to the elevator when she was ready to leave.

“Almost done,” Stacie said. “I’m really proud of you, babe.”

“I can’t wait to come home,” Beca said. “We have a lot of catching up to do.” She kissed Stacie quickly and waited until she got into the elevator before she returned to her room.

Aubrey dropped by the next afternoon to see her. Beca was sitting on her bed, just listening to music and waiting for afternoon pre-dinner med round. 

“Knock knock,” Aubrey said. Beca looked over and waved her in. “Heard you were looking for me.”

“Yeah, come in dude,” Beca said. 

“First, I brought sour patch kids,” Aubrey said settling in the chair at the small table. She tossed the bag to Beca, who immediately opened it and stuck a few in her mouth. 

“Thanks,” Beca said. “I miss the freedom I had to go eat candy or burgers or whatever whenever I like.”

“Soon enough you’ll have all that back,” Aubrey said. “Anyway, Stacie mentioned something about a book?”

“Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about the possibility of writing a book about my life,” Beca said. “As you know, there have been a number of people sniffing around trying to write an unofficial version of my story and I don’t really like how that sounds. It’s probably going to be all bullshit, you know?”

“So you want me to write it?” 

“If you would,” Beca said. “I would pay you, obviously. But I feel like if the Beca Mitchell story absolutely has to be told, I want it to be the truth and I want it to be written by someone I trust.”

“That’s understandable,” Aubrey said. “You realise that’d mean you’d have to tell me a whole lot of stuff about what happened to you? More than you’ve ever shared with me before.”

“I know,” Beca said. “But I’m at a place now where I can actually do that, you know? I’m not out of control when it comes to remembering that stuff. We could just talk, you could ask questions, record it, whatever. I can even let you see some of the stuff I’ve written down over the years to try and wrap my head around it all.”

“I’ll definitely think about it,” Aubrey said. “It could be a challenge… but I’m leaning toward yes. Though I want to wait until you’re done here. And you don’t have to pay me, Beca. I’m still sitting on quite a substantial bank balance.”

“I’d pay you a retainer so that you don’t have to take other work, same as I would any other person I’d hire,” Beca said. “What you do with that money is not my problem.”

“Okay,” Aubrey said with a smile. 

“And yeah, it can wait til I’m done,” Beca replied. “I’m almost there. Stace even suggested maybe getting Chlo in to see if her bosses would publish.”

“I can’t see why they’d turn it down,” Aubrey said. “Anyway, we can cover all that later. How are you doing?”

“Like I was saying to Stacie yesterday, I feel good,” Beca said. “Like, properly though. And that’s not always been the case for me.” Aubrey regarded the smaller woman sitting on the bed. She hadn’t known Beca as long as Chloe and Stacie had. But she had to agree. Beca had always seemed tense. Dulled. In some kind of emotional and mental limbo. But she didn’t any more. She seemed open. Happier. Lighter.

“I’m glad, Beca,” Aubrey said. “Truly.”


	7. Family I

The day Beca signed out of her hospital stay, all three girls had come to pick her up. She was still on a mild dose of mood stabilisers and had to see her doctor for follow ups, but she was declared fit for release. She couldn’t wait to get out of there, get home, take a bath, eat some good food, be with her friends and most importantly, be with Stacie. 

Aubrey grabbed her bag while Stacie just grabbed onto her hand. She was crawling out of her skin with happiness that Beca was coming home. About a week before, she’d talked to Beca about whether they wanted to just pull the trigger and move in together. Beca hadn’t hesitated in the slightest, and they agreed Stacie should move into Beca’s place since it was bigger and closer to both of their workplaces. Before Beca had gone into hospital they’d basically been staying together almost every day anyway.

The studio had continued to receive a lot of interest in Beca’s hospital stay, and after Stacie had been forced to have an investigative reporter thrown out of her workplace they’d had to draw a line. Aubrey had decided she’d write Beca’s book already, so they quickly drew up a contract for it and the studio released a statement that they would be answering no questions on Beca or her history due to an official publication in progress. Stacie merely threatened the next person who followed her with legal action and kept that line up every single time it happened from then on out.

But now she was out and they were climbing into a taxi. Chloe in front, Beca sandwiched between Aubrey and Stacie in the back. None of them could keep the smile off of their faces.

It was only mid morning, so Aubrey and Chloe left them to it, promising to be back later to take Beca out for a celebratory dinner. They weren’t stupid. Stacie and Beca had been deprived of each other intimately for more than sixty whole days, and there was going to need to be some ground made up.

True to form, Beca was pushing her into the bedroom the second they got inside and closed the door, stripping clothes off of both their bodies with great haste. It wasn’t til after the second round that Beca got up and tugged some shorts and a tank on, finally checking out the differences in the apartment now that Stacie had officially moved in. Beca had told her to do whatever, she wasn’t fussed. But she’d definitely managed to blend both of their stuff in together pretty well. 

“Like it?” Stacie asked, coming up behind her and wrapping long arms around her. She’d pulled an oversized shirt on but nothing else as yet.

“Love it,” Beca said. “It could be a hovel but as long as you’re in it…” she turned and kissed her deeply.

“I called for burgers,” Stacie said when they broke apart. “Should be here soonish.”

“Yeah, I’m like, so glad I’m okay now,” Beca said. “I could get used to this very easily.”

“Get used to it,” Stacie encouraged. “This is what we’re going to be like. Food. Sex. And being incredibly happy.” She smacked Beca on the butt and went to put some music on. Beca headed for the kitchen and pulled out a couple of bottles of water.

They settled into the couch while they waited for their food to arrive, still leaning all over each other and not quite ready to stop being so tactile. There was some kissing, but not much more than that so that they wouldn’t be too carried away to eat. The food didn’t take long, and Beca was soon savouring a giant bacon cheeseburger. The food hadn’t been completely atrocious in the hospital but it had heavily been more aimed toward nutrition rather than taste. 

Then they moved into the bathroom, taking an extra long soak in the tub together, adding more hot water every now and then, until the hands wandered just a bit too far and they headed back to the bedroom.

They did manage to pull clothes on before Chloe and Aubrey got there. The four of them headed out to dinner, somewhere loud and noisy where Beca could feel like she was properly a part of society again. They ended up at a dumpling bar sharing heaped platters of food amongst the four of them. Beca only nursed one beer - one of the habits she’d had to change was to reduce the amount of alcohol she drank. She was told not to necessarily cut it out all together, but never to go more than two a day, and to try and avoid drinking on successive days. The other girls had been assured that they didn’t need to give up drinking for her sake, so Aubrey and Chloe did share most of a bottle of wine, Stacie taking just the one glass.

It was a perfect way to enjoy her first night out. Aubrey promised Beca she’d be over the next day to talk about some of the details for her book, and the two couples went their separate ways. 

“She seems great,” Aubrey said to Chloe as they slid into the back of a taxi.

“It’s a bit bizarre,” Chloe observed. “But in a good way. In all the years I’ve known her, she’s never really been like this. It’s not that she’s a different person, she’s still Beca from what I can see. But… I don’t know, Bree, it’s hard to explain.”

“Do you think she and Stacie will get married soon now that she’s better?” Aubrey asked.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re married in less than two years,” Chloe said unflinchingly. “You’re going to meet with Beca to talk about her book?”

“I just need a bit more direction,” Aubrey said. “Like… I know she wants me to write about her and her life. But should I be looking into the church that did this to her? How much detail does she want about what happened to her versus how she overcame it? That sort of thing.”

“Fair enough,” Chloe said. “Though she might not know that just yet.”

“I anticipate she and I will do lots of talking,” Aubrey said. “I just hope I don’t make things worse.”

When Aubrey and Beca did meet up the next day, Beca presented her with a box full of notebooks. Aubrey raised an eyebrow at the sight of them, knowing what they were, but surprised Beca was just handing them over.

“I write a lot when I’m depressed and dissociating,” Beca explained, as she sat two cups of coffee down on the coffee table. “It helps me to go back and follow thought patterns and stuff. And… you know. A lot of what happened to me is in there.”

“Are you sure you want me to read them?” Aubrey asked. “This book doesn’t have to be a full scale rehashing of your mental breakdown.”

“I think it’ll help you understand my mindset better,” Beca said. “I mean, I can talk about it now, but I’m still not very good at articulating things verbally. I’ve always been better with a pen in hand.”

“We still need to discuss the actual focus of the book,” Aubrey said. “If you’ve got some time today, that’d be good.”

“I’m yours for the day,” Beca said. “I’m uh, taking another two months off work.”

“Extending your sabbatical?” Aubrey said.

“It’s not that I don’t want to work, and it’s not that I don’t enjoy it,” she said. “I love it. But I’ve literally just walked out of a psychiatric facility. I need to reintegrate slowly.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Beca, I just took my own extended break and it ended up being the best thing in the world,” Aubrey said.

“So… how are you and Chloe doing?” Beca asked. “Before we get bogged down with all of the book shit. I still have so much catching up to do. It’s not like I was in exile but it felt weird talking about relationship stuff when I was in there.”

“Really well,” Aubrey said. “Honestly, I don’t understand how fate works sometimes. The very first person I meet after I walk away from my wedding turns out to be Chloe.” 

“She’s a good woman,” Beca said. “I always hoped she’d find someone who loved her the way she deserves. And I’m pretty sure you’re that person. I hope that doesn’t put too much pressure on you, or your relationship.”

“No, of course not,” Aubrey said. “I do love her. A lot. Crying in a subway station is actually the best move I’ve ever made. I got her, and I got you and Stacie as well. It’s like family.”

“Yeah…” Beca said. She trailed off for a moment. “Yeah, you’re part of the family.” Aubrey was kind of touched. Because the girls always spoke about them all being as close as family. But for Beca to acknowledge that level of their relationship, especially after everything she’d just endured… it meant a lot. 

“I’m really glad you said that,” Aubrey said. 

“So the book,” Beca said, breaking the moment. “I think I won’t be able to get away with ignoring the church forever. But I don’t want it to be the focus, you know?”

“Whatever happened to this church?” Aubrey said.

“They were called the Fellowship of Heavenly Restoration. Went belly up, way a lot of them seem to do,” Beca said. “Leader of the church started getting more and more crazy. Tried to marry a bunch of young girls, the church folded and the feds seized the estate. By this point the church leaders had fucked off into the mountains, one of those straight up doomsday cult organisations.”

“They’re still out there?” Aubrey asked.

“In a delicious act of karma,” Beca said, “it turned out the pastors weren’t the outdoorsy types. The ones who didn’t bail out early either got poisoned because of the local flora and the pastors wife ended up getting lost and dying of hypothermia. He blew his own head off in the end.”

“Wow,” Aubrey said. “How did you find that out?”

“Guy who takes care of my legal,” Beca said. “But there’s nobody left to really prosecute on what happened there, so there isn’t much material in terms of the book. That’s why I want the focus to be on the other stuff. Because mental health treatment is a fucking joke half the time. If I didn’t have the kind of money I do, what kind of care would I have been able to access? I want the book to bring awareness to the fact that this sort of shit is very real, and it happens to everyone, and that there can be a happily ever after as well. I want it to be about family - and not the bullshit family who had no problem handing my ass to the Fellowship of Heavenly Restoration, the people I found along the way who loved me and took care of me when I fell apart.”

“I hear you,” Aubrey said. 

“My dad said that no matter how much I attempted to rebel against him and the Fellowship, blood was thicker than water,” Beca said. Aubrey paused for a second.

“Didn’t you say your dad was an English professor?” she said.

“What?” Beca said. “Yeah.”

“Then he’s not a very good one,” Aubrey said. “He doesn’t know the origin of a very common saying, anyway. Because the actual meaning of that saying is the exact opposite of what he says it is. The full saying is ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’. And it means that the importance of our relationships doesn’t lie in biological ties, but the strength of our word, and our dedication and commitment to each other.” Beca mulled that over for a moment.

“Huh. I like that,” Beca said. “Because I literally do not care what happens to that man. But I’d die for Stace. For Chloe and for you.”

“Then that’s family,” Aubrey said with a smile. “I do have a question about all these notebooks though.”

“Shoot,” Beca said. 

“Obviously I’m not going to leave them lying around for anybody to get their hands on,” she said. “But how secure would you like me to keep them from Chloe? She mentioned she’s never read them.”

“Oh,” Beca said. “Well, to be honest, she didn’t ever need to. Stacie reads them pretty frequently, she always has. That was more for my benefit than her own curiosity. Chlo has always just known when things were off. She senses it. Stacie is like that, but she needed the specifics because she was the one kicking my ass when I needed it, sometimes real fucking hard too. I honestly don’t care if she sees what’s in them.”

“Okay,” Aubrey said.

“And… you’re probably gonna want to talk it over anyway,” Beca said. “Some of the shit in there is not pleasant. I’d hate for my history to like, get to you. At least with Chloe, you’ll be able to talk. And if some of it is a bit much, don’t worry about it. I can give condensed versions.”

“I’ll be okay,” Aubrey said. “Do you want to get started today or give it a bit?”

“Tomorrow,” Beca said. “I’ve got an appointment this afternoon with my transition case worker. But I’ve got time for lunch?”

“For sure,” Aubrey said. They decided just to go down the road and grabbed their stuff to head out. 

“I do have to go into the studio,” Beca said. “After my appointment. I just want everyone to see that I am alive, and I’m doing okay. Maybe I’ll draft something to put online real quick to keep people updated.”

“That’s probably not a bad idea,” Aubrey said. “I’ll start working on questions this afternoon though. I figure I’ll ask a couple of questions and it’ll lead to talking and I’ll just record it all and sift through it later.” They ate burgers at a café down the road, Aubrey asking a few more questions about the direction of the book, but nothing too heavy for a casual lunch discussion. They grabbed coffee to go and drank it on the walk back to the apartment so Aubrey could pick up the notebooks before they parted ways.

Aubrey headed home and set the box on her dining table. She had no idea where to even start. She picked one up and saw that there was a date inscribed in the front cover. She opened a couple more and saw that they all had dates so she’d at least be able to read them chronologically. She spent some time sorting them all into order. There were a lot of them, more than she’d anticipated. 

She’d gotten her study in order in preparation for this book. She had no idea how long it was going to take, or how she’d really go about it. But the furniture was new, the notepads were unused, pencils sharpened, and she’d hung a large dry erase board on one wall. She had her laptop set up, empty binders to keep things collated. This was a room for work, it was clear. 

She made herself a cup of coffee and sat down with the first of Beca’s notebooks in her hand. She let her hand rest on it for a second - it was still a bit weird to comprehend that her friend’s deepest and darkest struggles were inside something so simple. She slid a notebook over, picked up a pencil and set them next to each other, and then opened it to the first page.

Whatever issues Beca had articulating emotions verbally, it didn’t affect her written word in the slightest. She could write, that much was clear. Even the first few dozen pages were enough to make Aubrey feel such a broad range of things. Beca switched between thoughts about her current mental states to long, rambling flashbacks about what she encountered, and to dreams of what might possibly be ahead. The changes were without warning, but it was easy to follow. Aubrey read the first two notebooks in their entirety and realised she hadn’t even written a single thing down.

But she had questions. Not just for Beca, but the people responsible for what had happened to her. She woke her laptop from its rest mode and began a simple Google search to see what she could learn about the Fellowship of Heavenly Restoration. She didn’t move again until she heard the door unlock and Chloe coming in. She left her desk and went into the living room.

“Oh thank god,” Chloe said, relieved. “I was worried, I called three times.” Aubrey realised she’d left her phone in her bag, tugged it out and sure enough saw a handful of calls and messages.

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey said. “I got caught up.” She kissed her girlfriend hello, not complaining in the least when Chloe’s arms embraced her a little longer than usual.

“What’s up?”

“Just this stuff for Beca’s book,” Aubrey said. “She gave me all her notebooks. I read two and then got lost in research.” Chloe spotted the books laid out on the dining table. 

“Wow,” Chloe said. “That’s a lot of source material.”

“She said she didn’t mind if you knew what was in them,” Aubrey said. “But let me just save what I’m up to and we can grab some dinner.”

“Why don’t you finish what you were doing, and I’ll duck to the store and cook for you,” Chloe said. Aubrey kissed her deeply, the redhead humming appreciatively. 

“That would be amazing,” Aubrey said. “You don’t have to, though.”

“I offered,” Chloe said.

“Staying tonight?”

“That’s the plan,” Chloe said. “I’ll be back shortly. Anything specific you’re in the mood for?”

“Indian,” Aubrey said. Chloe was actually pretty good at whipping up a decent curry. 

“No prob,” she said. “I’ll be back soon.” Chloe let herself back out and Aubrey went back into her study. She’d gotten a lot of research done on the Fellowship - and there were still some people hanging around in Georgia who were vocal about the damage they’d done down there. Aubrey had a list of people she wanted to try and contact and possibly interview. She knew Beca didn’t want them to be the focus of the book, but it would be good background. She flipped through her notepad and then pulled out a fresh one and hurriedly filled a couple of pages with questions for Beca. Conversation starters more so than inquiries. She heard Chloe come back in, so she saved her bookmarks and then left the study, closing the door. 

“You’re done?” Chloe asked, confused. She was unpacking the groceries she’d bought.

“When you’re here, the book goes to the side,” Aubrey said. “It’s perfectly reasonable to set myself work rules and one I have is that I don’t ignore you for work.” She came over and kissed her cheek.

“I know the book’s going to be a big deal for both of you,” Chloe said. “It’s important, I know you’re not just blowing me off.”

“You’re the most important thing, though,” Aubrey said. “Now, what do you want me to do?” Chloe smiled and kissed her. 

It was nice to have work to do, Aubrey decided. She’d worked with Beca on the book now for the better part of eight weeks. They’d meet in the morning, talk for a while, and then have lunch. After lunch, Aubrey would take what they’d done home and work it into what she had. It was really taking shape now.

Reading through all of the notebooks had gotten hard. More than once Aubrey had to put one down and go and clear her head before she could continue. Chloe had read parts, when Aubrey needed to discuss something that Beca couldn’t answer. But at times the emotion was so genuine Aubrey felt like she was there. It had gotten to the point where she wanted to incorporate large parts of Beca’s writing into the text. It wouldn’t be the same if she wrote some of that herself and it felt inappropriate for her to attempt to recreate it. She’d bookmarked parts of the notebooks she wanted to keep and explained the idea to Beca, who had been receptive. 

She’d interviewed both Stacie and Chloe for the purposes of the book, too, and two of Beca’s work colleagues. Just to give a rounded perspective of Beca’s struggles. And she’d included a little information about the Fellowship of Heavenly Restoration. Which had brought her to where she was now, which was Georgia.

She’d corresponded with a few people who had seen the influence the Fellowship had had on the area. It all seemed to marry up with the information Beca had gotten from her legal team. But then she was contacted by a young man who claimed that they’d ruined his life, but unlike Beca, he’d been one of them. He wanted to talk, but in person. So Aubrey was in a place called Barden that she’d never heard of, waiting at a quiet diner with a cup of coffee and a pretty good BLT. 

“Excuse me, are you Aubrey Posen?” a man asked softly. She stood and held out her hand.

“Yes,” she said. “You’re Andrew Levinson?”

“Everyone calls me Andy,” he said. 

“Would you like something to eat?” Aubrey offered.

“Not just now, thank you,” he said. “I’d prefer to get straight to it.” Aubrey gestured to her recorder and he nodded his agreement. 

“What do you know about the Fellowship?” Aubrey asked after she clicked it on. “You mentioned you were involved with them?”

“I was young,” Andy said. “And looking for work. They hired me to do stuff at a place they called Restoration Ranch. I was naïve and my parents had been swayed by their promises of eternal happiness and riches, you know?”

“You worked at Restoration Ranch?” Aubrey asked.

“Nothing high level,” he said. “Kept a little security, watched the kids on the ward, changed sheets, tidied up a bit. I thought we were doing the right thing, trying to help. But one night something happened and I couldn’t accept that what we were doing was helping anyone.” He seemed highly distressed by this.

“So what happened?”

“It was middle of the night,” he said. “I’d just done a med dose for one of the girls, it was just ibuprofen or something, she had cramps or whatever. Then this tiny little thing comes out of the shadows. I swear, one second I was alone and the next - and she had this knife.” Aubrey’s jaw went slack. No way. 

“Big thing, bigger than her forearm,” he continued in his soft drawl. “She jammed it right into my neck. I was nineteen, I thought I was gonna die. I thought for sure she was gonna kill me.” Aubrey was stunned.

“All she said was ‘You need to get me out of here, please. I need your money and I need a ride, I don’t wanna die here, please get me out’. Real quiet like. Not aggressive at all, like she was pleading,” he said. “She believed she was gonna die, maybe more than I did. So I snuck her out a side door, took her to the train station. Let her have all my cash. Then she said, ‘I’m sorry. But if I stay here, I know I’m not going to make it. I’ll die here because I can’t give them what they want.’ She left the knife behind and I let her go. And then I sat in my car for a good couple hours. Because there was something about her eyes and the way she said it to me, Ms Posen. She was desperate. I recognised her. She didn’t cause no trouble, just quietly went about the day to day. But she knew it, she was gonna die there if I didn’t get her out. Others fought. Screamed. Railed against the pastors. And it hit me hard. What kind of monsters were we, doing that to kids? What kind of sick bullshit did I get myself mixed up in that would cause that kind of anguish and torment in kids younger than me? And then I drove away. I never went back there, never to pick up no paycheck, nothing. Didn’t even go home to my folks. Drove clean to Alabama to stay with my uncle. I couldn’t be anywhere near anyone who was connected to them.”

“You quit the Fellowship because of her?”

“Her and all the other kids like her,” he said. “A lot of what the church talks about is conviction. A surety, that absolute unwavering knowledge. I’ve heard a lot of things said about conviction and with conviction. But nothing has ever been said with such absolute certainty to me in my life than that girl saying I don’t want to die here, please get me out.” Aubrey paused before her next question.

“You recognised the girl?”

“Only from around the ranch. Her name was Rachel or Rebecca or something,” he said. “Wasn’t really allowed to get friendly with any of them.”

“Mr Levinson-”

“Andy.”

“Andy, I need to make a phone call, can you excuse me?” she said. “Get yourself something to eat, on me.” She picked up her phone and went outside. Beca wasn’t answering so she called Stacie.

“Hey,” Stacie said. 

“Hey,” Aubrey said. “Look, this is going to sound insane.”

“I like it already,” Stacie joked.

“No, really,” Aubrey said. “I’m in Barden, Georgia. I came to see a guy to get some background on the church for the book. But this guy, Stace. He’s the guy Beca pulled the knife on to get her out.”

“What?” Stacie said. “Are you joking?”

“No,” Aubrey said. “He described this tiny little girl pulling out a massive knife and begging him to get her out so she didn’t die there. And after he dropped her at the train station he bailed on the Fellowship all together.”

“Oh my god,” Stacie said.

“I tried calling Beca but she didn’t pick up.”

“She’s in therapy,” Stacie said.

“I want to include this in the book but I need her go ahead,” she said. “Can you talk to her and have her call me tonight?”

“For sure,” Stacie said. “I’ll call her as soon as she gets out.”

“Thanks,” Aubrey said. Then she headed back inside. Andy now had a tuna melt in front of him.

“Sorry about that,” she said. “We’re off the record now.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because the book I’m writing isn’t just about the fellowship, Andy,” she said, carefully choosing her next phrases so she didn’t disclose Beca’s identity. “It’s about a former resident of the ranch. And in a bizarre stroke of chance, it’s the same resident who caused you to leave the Fellowship.” The man dropped his food back onto his plate.

“What?” he said. “Ma’am, you aren’t joking?”

“No,” Aubrey said.

“Is she okay?” he asked, eyes filling with tears. Aubrey slid him a napkin and waited for a beat as he pulled himself together. “I’ve thought about that girl pretty much every day since that night, hoped she made something of herself.”

“She is now,” Aubrey said. “She wasn’t. But she is now.”

“She’s okay,” he said to himself. 

“She went to college,” Aubrey said. She figured she could give general information, he seemed like he needed it. “Graduated, too. Successful career. Serious relationship. She had a lot of issues that she couldn’t deal with though and she was pretty screwed up for a while there. But she got through it.”

“I wish I could apologise to her,” he said. “For whatever small role I had in keeping her there. In what it did to her.”

“I’m going to talk with her tonight to see about using your interview in the book,” Aubrey said. “Provided that’s okay with you.”

“It is,” he said. “I’ll sign whatever I need to.”

“Can I meet with you again tomorrow?” Aubrey asked. “I might have some follow up questions once I speak to her.”

“Of course,” he said. “Thank you, ma’am. I’ve spent a lot of years thinking about that girl. I’m glad to hear she’s doing okay.” Aubrey thanked him again and got up to pay the bill. Then she headed back to her hotel room. This was surreal. Far beyond surreal. 

Beca called her later that night, and her first statement shocked Aubrey completely.

“I want to meet him,” Beca said.


	8. Family II

“What?” Aubrey asked. They hadn’t even managed to get a greeting in.

“I want to meet the guy,” Beca said. 

“Are you sure?” Aubrey asked. “Is that even a good idea?”

“I don’t actually know,” Beca said. “But I want to. He let me go, Aubrey. Regardless of what he did before that, he let me go.”

“I think he’d go for it,” Aubrey said. “He was actually quite emotional about the whole thing. Said he spent every day hoping you’d made something of yourself and you were okay.”

“What’s he like?” Beca asked.

“Younger than me,” Aubrey said. “He said he was nineteen at the time. Got the job through his parents. But the night you left, he did too. Drove away and never went back. Apparently you opened his eyes to the true nature of the Fellowship and he no longer wanted anything to do with it.”

“I’ll take the next flight out,” she said. “I’ll call you when I get in.”

“Beca-”

“I’m sure, Aubrey,” she said. “I feel like it’d be good. Provide closure even.”

“Let me know when your flight arrives and I’ll have a taxi waiting,” Aubrey said. She hung up and made her obvious next call - Chloe. She outlined the events of the day and the fact that Beca was now on her way down to meet this guy. Chloe understood why Beca would want to meet the guy, but she had a suspicion that Stacie would be far more untrusting of the situation. She promised Aubrey that she’d go and see Stacie the next day, to stop her worrying. 

“I’ll be back in a few days,” Aubrey said. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” she replied. “But the book is so close to being done, Aubrey. I’m really proud of you.”

“I think we can safely start pitching it now,” Aubrey said. She had a large chunk of it written, revised over and over until it was perfect. 

“I want you to do me a favour,” Chloe said. “I mentioned it to my boss and he seemed interested. But instead of running it to another publisher in the firm, let me pitch it?”

“You want to be the one behind this book?” Aubrey asked. She’d secretly hoped Chloe would say that. It would keep it a family affair.

“Who better than me?” Chloe said. “I won’t let it get edited away. I know the truth of the story, and I know Beca. But I know it’s not just your decision, Bree. But it’d be perfect for Beca’s story and I might also get to finally move from publisher’s assistant to publisher.”

“You deserve it,” Aubrey said. “I’ll talk to Beca, but she’s not going to need much convincing. Family is all over this book.”

“I love you, Bree,” Chloe said. 

“I love you, too,” Aubrey replied. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

The next day, Aubrey called Andy early and asked if he would mind meeting with the girl from the ranch. He was more than okay with the meet, so Aubrey had a few rules.

“There’s a good chance you’ll recognise her face,” Aubrey said. “It would not be wise for you to turn this into a news story. I’m still licensed to practise law and I will make your life incredibly difficult.”

“I don’t want that,” he said.

“Her name is Beca,” she said. “We will meet you at the Barden Central Inn, across the road in the park, at two pm. She’s not much of a talker but she wants to meet you. If it gets too hard for her, we walk.”

“No, of course, whatever she wants,” he said. “I just want to apologise in person.”

Beca’s flight got in at eleven, so they had time to bring her things back to the hotel and clean up a little. Aubrey could tell she was nervous.

“Stace didn’t want me to come,” Beca said. “She just wants to protect me, I know. She can’t be here and that kills her. But she gets it.” They grabbed a quick burger on the way and Beca sat nervously on the park bench until Aubrey saw Andy approaching. 

“This is him,” Aubrey said. The two of them got up and Beca just looked at him for a moment. Andy stopped about ten feet away and the two just stood there. They were just regarding the other quietly. Andy was the first to speak.

“I’m Andy Levinson,” he said. “And I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to thank you for what you did that night.”

“I held you at knife point and stole your money,” Beca said in a slightly amused tone.

“No,” he said. “Well, yes. But it made me really aware of what that place was. How bad it must have been if it had pushed you so far, made you so desperate. When you were at the ranch I remembered you being quiet and keeping to yourself. But then you grabbed the knife and if we were driving quiet kids who were no trouble to such drastic action… clearly we weren’t as good as we claimed we were.”

“You did save my life that night,” Beca said. “And whilst my life hasn’t been picture perfect since the ranch, I am okay. So thank you for that.”

“I’ve thought about you a lot,” he said. “Worried about you.”

“I used to have nightmares that I’d killed you and not just taken your money,” Beca said. “Amongst other things.”

“Well I’m doing just fine,” he said. “I took off from the ranch after you left, drove to Alabama and stayed with family there. Can I be honest with you?”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “You can.”

“I know it seems like a cop out to say I didn’t know what we were doing,” Andy said. “And I did know what the ranch was supposed to be for. But I had no idea about how far they’d go, the kinds of stuff they’d do to you guys. So for whatever part I ever might have played in what happened to you, I’m really sorry. I was a young kid looking to please his parents and his pastor.”

“I accept your apology,” Beca said. “Sorry I pulled a knife on you dude. But you know… Desperate times.”

“Aubrey here tells me you’re writing a book?” Andy asked.

“She’s writing most of it,” Beca clarified. “But yeah. There’ll be a bit in there about the ranch, but it isn’t the focus. The focus is going to be the after stuff. There’s been… a few issues.” She kicked at the ground.

“I’m not going to paint you as a villain,” she said. “To me, after meeting you, you’re not a villain. And there are more important parts to my story. I was in a really bad way just recently and it’s more about me overcoming that.”

“I might just read that book when it comes out,” he said. “Thank you for meeting with me.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. She held her hand out and shook his for a moment. “If there were cameras here, they’d be expecting a hug but I’m not that kind of person.”

“No, me neither,” he replied. The conversation kind of died off after that, so Aubrey had a few words with Andy herself and then they separated. She took Beca back to the hotel and they sat down to talk about the meeting, Aubrey recording it for the book. Beca kept lapsing into long stretches of silence. Aubrey asked her about it.

“You okay?” she said. “You keep drifting.”

“Yeah,” Beca said. “Um… this is going to sound really weird but I feel like it’s over, finally.”

“What do you mean?” Aubrey asked, prompting her to talk it out.

“So in session at the clinic we did a lot of work on how I’d handle continuing on if I never managed to get the kind of closure I always imagined I’d need,” she said. “Whether I’d be able to function if I couldn’t somehow call the ranch and everything that happened there definitively finished.”

“And meeting him has done that for you?”

“In a way,” Beca said pensively. “You know, we talked about the fact that the people most responsible for what happened to me at the ranch - apart from my dad - are gone. But Andy, even though I don’t think he is personally responsible because he was young and dumb and once he twigged to how messed up that shit was he let me go, has apologised. It’s significant, to me. Especially since the source of some of my nightmares was based around him.”

Aubrey reached over and flicked her recorder off. She smiled at her friend.

“Ready to go home tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Beca said. “I’ve got some work to take care of so I can’t really be away for much more. You?”

“Definitely,” Aubrey said. “I’ve only been down here a couple of days but I miss Chloe. She also wanted to talk to us both about allowing her to try and take the lead on pitching the book and getting it published.”

“Oh,” Beca said. “Um, I pretty much kind of assumed she’d want to do that. I want her to, anyway. She’s my best friend, and she knows this story. I trust her with it.”

“I’m glad,” Aubrey said. “She’ll be excited to hear that.”

When they got back home, Chloe was waiting for them to arrive at the airport. Stacie was in the middle of a huge work project, so she wasn’t able to make it. Aubrey threw her arms around Chloe and kissed her hard. Beca hugged her too, minus the kissing, and they went to drop Beca off at home.

Beca invited them in for a cup of coffee and they accepted. Aubrey had bitched about the appalling coffee on the flight so she was more than ready for a decent cup.

“So how much longer til you think you’ll be ready with the book?” Chloe asked.

“Maybe a week and I’ll have the first draft done,” Aubrey said. “Then Beca can read it over and we can pitch it.”

“We?” Chloe asked.

“We,” Beca said. “Chlo, I’m not doing this without you.” Chloe hugged her.

“Thanks, Bec,” she said. “I won’t let you down.”

After Aubrey finished up the first draft, Chloe helped them craft the perfect pitch to get the book officially signed. During the meeting Beca was adamant that if Chloe wasn’t the one behind the deal, she wasn’t interested. Her boss had naturally been more than enthusiastic about being approached to publish Beca Mitchell’s official biography, so the meeting had started off on a good foot. They pitched it, provided an outline and the first two chapters, and talked for a long time. Beca was still fierce about Chloe needing to be on board. But it would be Douglas’s call.

“Of course I’m interested,” he said. “But this feels like a job for an established lead.”

“It has to be Chloe,” Beca said, not for the first time. “Look, Mr Spinelli. I get it. But this book is about family. And I trust Chloe to take care of this thing, of my story. She is the very best and most suited person to handle a book about me. It’s a big risk on your part, and I’m sure you’ve got more senior publishers who could do an adequate job. But she can do it, and she could do it better. She could do this in her sleep.” The older man simply thought it over for a moment.

“Fine,” he said. “Chloe can handle it. But I’ll check up from time to time.”

They decided to head out for dinner that night to celebrate. Beca called Stacie from the backseat of the Uber on the way back to their apartment. 

“Chloe’s doing the book,” Beca said.

“Awesome,” Stacie said. “I know how important it was for you, babe.”

“And we’re going out tonight to celebrate,” Beca said. 

“That sounds perfect,” Stacie said. “We finally finished our big top secret project about twenty minutes ago and filed the patent and everything.” Beca didn’t know the specifics of this project. Mostly because Stacie was about a thousand times smarter than her and Beca could barely follow what she did at work most days. But this project had been shrouded in secrecy and could potentially make the firm she worked for billions of dollars so it was all very hush hush.

“Double celebration,” Beca said. “I’m on my way back now, almost at the apartment.”

“Well, I’ll be home in about an hour and a half,” Stacie said. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Beca said, a massive smile on her face.

“You look like you’ve had a great day,” the Uber driver said as he pulled up to her building.

“You could say that, dude,” she said. “And you wouldn’t be wrong. But honestly, with Stacie they’re all this good.”

“You’re very fortunate,” he replied. “To find the one who makes all of your days so extraordinary. May you stay happy for many more days to come.”

“Thanks,” she said. She slid out and headed upstairs. For some reason, what the Uber driver had said was sticking in her mind. Stacie was the goddamn best thing that had ever happened to her. She unlocked the door and dropped her messenger bag on the couch, heading straight for the room where her home setup was. She sat down at the desk and opened the second drawer, pulled out a tiny box from the back and stared at the ring inside.

This was a given. She wanted to marry Stacie. Since they’d finally pulled their heads out of their asses and stopped pretending they weren’t madly in love with each other, everything in her life had gotten better. Sure she’d had a pretty significant speed-hump in the road, but without Stacie by her side she never would have made it through. And they talked about it, but never really gave a specific idea about when.

Beca had bought the ring two weeks after she’d gotten home from the treatment facility. Something flashy and bold. Stacie would swear she didn’t need it but her girl loved some bling and she was worth this ring and a thousand more like it. Plus she still didn’t give a shit about money. 

So she waited on the couch for Stacie to get home. She had the ring, in all of it’s shiny glory, but didn’t want to make a big spectacle out of the proposal. They were both too private for that. She kept the ring in her pocket.

“Hey,” Stacie said, coming and dropping a kiss on her cheek. “Have I got time for a shower before dinner?”

“Of course,” Beca replied. “But hang on.” She got up and moved a bit closer to her.

“What’s up?” Stacie asked, kicking her shoes off. Beca took one of her hands.

“Stace, you know I love you right?” she said simply. “More than anything, or anyone.”

“Yeah,” Stacie said. “And I love you too. I haven’t ever been this happy in my life.”

“So… I could like, say a lot of stuff about what you mean to me, but instead I’ll just do it this way and give you this,” Beca said, pulling the ring out of her pocket. “Because I want to make it official. You’re the one who makes my days extraordinary.” Stacie’s jaw was slack at the sight of the ring but she had enough sense to be able to kiss Beca deeply.

“Then let’s make it official,” Stacie whispered after she’d kissed her, tears of happiness starting to fall. “I love you.” She let Beca put the ring on her finger and kissed her again. Beca didn’t let her go, but kept her in the embrace, steering her toward the bathroom to turn Stacie’s shower into a team affair.

They were only marginally late for dinner. They made their way to the table Aubrey had booked where she and Chloe were already seated. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Beca said, pulling Stacie’s chair out.

“Yeah, we got a bit distracted,” Stacie said, flashing her hand at the two of them. It caused an unholy shriek from Chloe and a much quieter but no less enthusiastic response from Aubrey.

“Oh my god,” Chloe said, quieting down. She got up and hugged them both, Aubrey following suit. “I had no idea you were even thinking that, Becs.”

“Of course I was,” Beca said. “I don’t think I was planning on it so soon, but the Uber driver this afternoon said that I was lucky to have found someone who makes my days extraordinary. And he was right. So fuck waiting.” She pulled Stacie into a kiss.

“Indeed,” Aubrey said. “Let’s get some champagne and celebrate it properly.”

It was a perfect night. They stayed late, finishing the bottle between them and tipping the staff generously for the inconvenience - Beca signed the bill but the young man at the till was confused.

“Ma’am, surely you’re not intending on tipping a thousand dollars,” he said. 

“What’s your name?” Beca asked. She wasn’t drunk. The champagne had been good but she was just… happy. Elated.

“Ryan,” he said.

“Well, Ryan, tonight the most incredible woman in the world said she’d marry me, I had a great night with her and my two best friends, and I absolutely do intend on tipping you guys a thousand bucks,” she said. “You’re all here late because of us. Split it up and have fun with it.” He stammered a polite thank you and ran the card. 

The two couples parted ways and Chloe and Aubrey caught a train back toward Chloe’s apartment. As they stepped off onto the platform, a smile broke out over Aubrey’s face. 

“What are you smiling about?” Chloe asked.

“This is the spot,” Aubrey said. She moved a few paces and stood in front of a bench. “This is it. Where you and I met for the first time. And my entire life has changed so drastically since then. All for the better, mind you.”

“All for the better?” Chloe asked. 

“Definitely,” she said, sweeping her into her arms for a passionate kiss. They headed back to the apartment and straight for the bedroom.

News of Beca and Stacie’s engagement broke quickly. It didn’t take long for people to start asking how long til they made it down the aisle, but Beca was clear that they’d have a book to release first at the very least. 

Chloe raced the book through as quickly as possible. The editing team ran it over and requested some changes, nothing dramatic, and nothing that would compromise the integrity of the story. Aubrey was happy to make the changes, and was secretly proud that there weren’t that many to make.

Beca had decided she wanted the book to be called Blood and Water after the conversation that between her and Aubrey about the original saying. It felt true to what they’d written. They didn’t want an obnoxious cover, just a simple, classic portrait of Beca. Stacie had helped narrow the image down since the photographer had literally taken dozens.

“Just one thing missing,” Chloe said to her girlfriend one evening. “It needs a foreword.”

“Does it?” Aubrey asked.

“I think so,” Chloe said. “Because it’s ‘Blood & Water - The Beca Mitchell Story’ as told to Aubrey Posen. It’d be a nice easy way to tie in the relationship between you and Becs for the reader. Because not everyone’s going to know that that the two of you are so close. And this book is inherently personal in just about every way.”

“You’re right,” Aubrey said. “I’ll work on one for you.”

She spent a couple of days on it, but she eventually handed the typewritten pages to Chloe. It was shorter than most forewords of books she’d read. But this wasn’t really her story, it was Beca’s. She didn’t need to add a vain, self serving chapter at the start. She just wanted a simple introduction.

_The title of this book comes from a conversation I had with Beca sitting in her room at a treatment facility. We were talking about the origins of the saying ‘Blood is thicker than water’, which is one of those long standing idioms that people cling to ferociously, but rarely in the correct context. It’s commonly assumed that the phrase is intended to mean that our biological family bonds are stronger than anything else. But that isn’t what the saying actually means._

_The text in full, when traced back to an older proverb, is ‘The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’. We discussed this idea in depth and what it really means to be a family._

_The first time I met Beca Mitchell was easily one of the hardest days of my life. I met her by what can only be described as pure chance. But she did a selfless thing for me without a second thought. And from that point on we were family._

_Family has been an important part of her journey. From the disappointment of realising that her biological and legal family were not interested in her well-being, her safety, or even her personhood, to the tight binds that tie her to Stacie, to Chloe, and to myself. She has been forced to reconsider and relearn what constitutes a family. In the end, after many struggles to reconcile her history with her present, she managed to sum it all up in a recent conversation._

_“Family are the ones who promise they’re going to be there, to love and support you, and then actually are. Not for show, not for money. They’re the ones holding you at three in the morning when you haven’t slept in four days, the ones sitting by your side in hospital rooms, the ones kicking your ass when you need it and helping you pick up the pieces when you’ve fallen apart. And no matter how many times you break, they stick around, build you back up and you all carry on. You all carry on knowing that at some point, the other will need you. It’ll hurt for all of you when one of you hurts. But you’re still carrying on anyway.”_

_It’s hard to find fault in her definition._

_This book has been challenging to write. It’s been an examination of both the most broken a person can be, and the most whole they can become. Made especially hard since this is someone I regard so highly and hold such great affection for. Some of what I’ve learned has shocked me - things I never would have considered as possible, that many people would not have considered possible. But still, Beca holds on to the ones who matter, and they (and I) hold on to her. I wouldn’t trade any of the challenge for the world though - because Beca’s fought long and hard to overcome it and she deserves to be proud of what she has accomplished, and the family she’s created for herself._

_In Beca’s case, the blood of the covenant is definitely thicker than the water of the womb. And it’s because of this she was able to stand toe to toe with her history and overcome it, and share her story with you today. It’s been an honor to write this book, but more so to be considered a part of Beca’s family._

“It’s perfect,” Chloe said. “I’m not going to change a word. I’ll add it to copy tomorrow and we can send it off.” Aubrey got up and wrapped her arms around her.

“Thanks for this,” Aubrey said. “For not complaining when I was distracted. For going to bat for the story Beca and I wrote together.” Chloe kissed her tenderly.

“I have something to show you,” she said. She took Aubrey into her spare room, where the wedding dress she’d been wearing when Chloe had seen her crying in the subway was laying across her spare room bed.

“You kept it?”

“I had it dry cleaned just in case you ever wanted it back,” Chloe said.

“I still don’t want it,” Aubrey said, her fingers trailing across the expensive fabric. “It still feels nothing like me. But weirdly enough I’m not unhappy to see it.”

“I was cleaning out this closet,” Chloe said. “I kind of forgot I had it.”

“Throwing things away?” Aubrey asked. 

“Yeah,” Chloe said. “It’s been a while. But this isn’t mine to throw.”

“I’ll donate it or give it away or something,” Aubrey said.

“I’m making space,” Chloe said pointedly. Aubrey didn’t register right away, she was still looking at the dress and thinking about how far she’d come, all the things she’d experienced since the day she wore it.

“Sorry?” Aubrey asked. Chloe rolled her eyes.

“You should move in,” Chloe said. “I know your place is bigger and nicer, but we do spend all of our time here, pretty much. And I love you, and I’m pretty certain we’re both ready for this.” Aubrey grinned and pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

“I love you, too,” Aubrey said. “And of course I’ll move in.” They got carried away with the next kiss, and Chloe was about to throw her down onto the bed. But she remembered the dress, and paused just long enough to pick it up and hang it back in the closet before Aubrey pulled her down and made her forget all about it.


End file.
